Loading Zone (Socks CLXXXII)

"There's two more loads. Wanna help?"
The door closed, then opened. They picked up two boxes around the corner, and went back in. The door opened into a large, echoey room, full of cars. They went to where Megan was loading a van.
"I didn't expect you to be here. You going to help set up?"
"I don't think so. You two go ahead, I'll be down later."
Tim and Megan finished loading the van, talking to each other. Neither one talked to Grunter, and he didn't talk to them.
The van started and left, Grunter walked to the elevator.

Elevator Ride (Socks CLXXXI)

After Grunter hung up he went down the hall.
Stopping at a desk he asked, "Where is Megan and Tim?"
"They took some carts down to the garage a few minutes ago."
Grunter walked to a shiny door, and pushed a button. The door slid open. Grunter got on and pushed a button. The door closed.
Rar heard a "PPHHTT" sound, "What was that?"
"Take a guess," said Boxer, "If he sniffs..."
Grunter didn't sniff, so Boxer left him alone.
The door opened, Tim got on. "What the...Did you do that?"
"No it smelled like this when I got on."

Gotta Go (Socks CLXXX)

Megan stood, "If that's all, I'd like to get the presentation packed up. It's nine already, and lunch is at noon."
"She's right. That's just enough time to get to the Clarion and get set up. Remember what we said, don't take the credit for yourself."
Tim and Megan left, closing the door.
Grunter made a call, "Not much. I've got a presentation at noon, just waiting to go over."
*
"I can't, Gina wants to get together after."
*
"How's the old lady gonna catch me. It's a business meeting."
*
"Look, I just called to see if you caught Sports Center."

Strange Assumption (Socks CLXXIX)

Tim stood up, "Lets not start fighting just before today's meeting."
"That's right, Megan you should..."
"Hold it. I agree with everything Megan said, I just don't want the tension to show this afternoon."
No one spoke.
Tim sat back down, "Megan has worked her tail off on this project, so you better give her lots of credit today."
"Not just me, Tim was there every step of the way."
"Ok, I get it. You two get all the credit. What is this, a little hanky panky on the side?"
Tim and Megan both laughed, "Megan and I are cousins."

Stating Opinion (Socks CLXXVIII)

"What about Megan's reputation? What about mine?"
"But I'm responsible..."
"You probably should have been there for some of our late nights."
"When did you stay late."
"Two days last week, two the week before. One night Tim came over to my house, my husband entertained the kids while we worked."
"You should have told me."
"You have no idea how much work goes into a campaign like this."
"I've been here for five years."
"Yea, it amazes me that how you slid by for five years too."
"This is insubordination."
"I'm not refusing to work, just stating my opinion."

Pre-Meeting (Socks CLXXVII)

"Tim, you and Megan, come to my office. Ten minutes."
Grunter left his office, got a coffee, and came right back.
Tim walked in first, a few minutes later Megan came in.
"Frank wants to know if we're ready for this afternoon."
Silence.
"Well?"
"Almost."
"What does almost mean?"
"The presentation is done, but you haven't practiced it yet."
"I expected that you and Tim would present."
"Then I guess, we're ready."
"I want to watch your practice this morning."
"We stayed till midnight last night practicing. I don't think we'll practice today."
"But, my reputation is on the line."

The Fun Begins (Socks CLXXVI)

On the road this day, this Tuesday, Grunter's left foot tapped almost constantly. When the car wasn't moving, his right heal would tap. He couldn't seem to settle on a radio station. He blew the horn more than usual. He berated other drivers. He muttered after parking, and shut the engine off, stopping only when he opened the door and got out.
Pausing at the front desk, Grunter found no messages.
Frank came into Grunter's office even before he could sit down, asking if the presentation was ready. Grunter assured him it was. Frank left.
Grunter grabbed the phone immediately.

Thursday to Tuesday (Socks CLXXV)

"That is at least an hour that's unaccounted for."
*
"There's nothing I can do yet."
*
"I looked at his calendar, his next meeting with Essex is next Tuesday.
*
I told the Fatman, he's ready to follow Cheater from the office."
Pretty ended her call, and tossed the clothes in the wash. After their swim, tumble, and fold she put Rar and Lar in the drawer, along with boxer.
After a few days the boys and Boxer got taken from the drawer at the same time. Boxer and the twins had very seldom worked together.
"I hope we do something fun."

Three Rings (Socks CLXXIV)

"Wait, that's not all. The older man from Leo's was parked behind Cheater. They talked outside the car before they left the office."
*
"I think it was probably Frank, from the description."
*
"Who knows what they talked about.
*
"I don't know how long Cheater was at the office, but I do know that I called three times before he answered."
*
"Well, earlier he called me, and said that he was on the way to the office. I waited forty-five minutes, called his number, no answer. A half-hour after later I tried again. He answered the third call, a half-hour later."

Tracker (Socks CLXXIII)

"Yes, that was when Fatman lost them."
*
"Well, he went back to Leo's, and Cheater's car was gone. He couldn't get a read on the tracker."
*
"I told you, Fatman gave me a tracking device to put in the trunk of the car."
*
"Anyway, he decided to go in, and try to talk to the girl. He couldn't reveal too much, so she thought Fatman was hitting on her. She blew him off."
*
"I don't think he's wasting my money."
*
"When Fatman was going home, he got a read on the tracker. The car was in the office parking lot."

Quick Turn (Socks CLXXII)

"An older man stopped and talked to Cheater's friend, then followed Cheater into the bathroom."
*
"Well, maybe he was as old as you and Dad, but Fatman didn't say anything about him having a walker."
*
Pretty giggled, "You deserved it for interrupting me."
*
Anyway, when Cheater came out of the bathroom, they left, but the woman stopped and talked with the girl, and gave her what looked like a business card."
*
"He didn't see the card."
*
"They left in her car, and as Fatman followed, they turned around in a parking lot so fast he didn't dare stay with them."

Another View (Socks CLXXI)

"While they were eating..."
*
"Yes, while Cheater and his girlfriend were eating, another girl in her twenties came over to their table..."
*
"Yes, Fatman was sitting at the bar, watching. Anyway, the girl looked like she was mad at Cheater."
*
"No, he couldn't hear what was said."
*
"If you don't stop interrupting Ill never get through this ."
*
"Anyway, the girl went back to her seat, but Fatman didn't want Cheater to see him talking to her."
*
"He did overhear her talking to her girlfriend. The girl thinks that Cheater's name is Frank Petersen."
*
"Yes, Mom, that's his boss's name."

An Alleged Cheater (Socks CLXX)

"No Mom, Fatman didn't catch him red-handed."
*
"Let me tell you everything. The Cheater was in a booth with a..."
*
"No, I won't use his name."
*
"It is not silly. Remember when you got mad at Aunt Lil, you didn't use her name for most of my senior year."
*
"Anyway, Cheater was with a woman in her forties."
*
"Yea, fifteen to twenty years older."
*
"He might be, they left together."
*
"He tried to follow them. They lost him, but he got her plate number."
*
"It's a leased car registered to The Essex Corporation."
*
"Stop asking questions, I'm getting side tracked."

Tee Talks (Socks CLXIX)

"Who," said Tee.
"Who? What?"
"Pavarotti is a who."
Tee finished explaining Pavarotti.
Rar was skeptical, "How do you know Pavarotti?"
"Don't you listen to the music that Pretty plays when she's knocking the dust from everything?"
"Not really, I'm in here when the music is on. Hard to hear from inside the drawer."
After a time Pretty came home. Again she picked up the basket. But she sat it down again before leaving the bedroom. She picked up the phone, "Mom, got a minute to talk?"
"Fatman followed him last night. He was at Leo's Grill. With a woman."

The Tenor (Socks CLXVIII)

Pretty slid the basket back in it's place, and left the house.
Rar had hoped to get to take a swim.
"I thought we were getting in the washer."
"Me too, Brother."
In the corner of the bedroom, in the basket the Twins, a tee shirt, Boxer, and two brassieres talked about their jobs.
The bra with the higher more delicate voice, the pink one, just did her job to the best of her ability without passion.
But Blackie, according to Tee, would sing like Pavarotti all day long when he was on duty.
Rar was confused, "What's a Pavarotti?"

Appointment (Socks CLXVII)

Grunter moved around the house doing his daily routine. He kissed Pretty on the forehead and left.
Pretty sat on the edge of the bed while the sound of The Early Show came from the TV in the living room. She took the cordless phone next to the bed from the hook, leaving a message for "Mick Jagger" to call her back.
The phone rang as she was carrying the clothes basket out of the bedroom door.
"Did you follow him last night?"
*
"Sorry, I forgot that you won't talk on the phone."
*
"Sure, I'll be there in thirty minutes."

Snoring (Socks CLXVI)

Frank continued to explain that no one else in the office knew that Kathy was his niece.
"It keeps things neater. No accusations of favoritism. Besides one more semester, and she'll graduate."
Grunter drove home, Pretty was in bed when he got there. His clothes ended up in a pile five feet from the basket. Again.
Momentarily, Grunter's breathing got rhythmic. Pretty got up and went to the other room. She didn't come back all night.
The alarm sounded, Grunter walked out, and from the other room, "Why did you sleep out here?"
"You were snoring, and I couldn't sleep."

Nervous (Socks CLXV)

Rar noted to Lar that Grunter had started sweating again.
"I'm sorry, Mr. Petersen. I didn't mean..."
"Let that be a lesson. Know your audience before speaking."
"I will, sir."
"I notice that when you get nervous, you forget to call me Frank."
"I'm sorry, Mr. Pet...Frank."
Frank put his hand on the younger man's shoulder, "Take it easy. I wouldn't care what you do, or with whom, but Kathy is my wife's sister's daughter."
"I see, sir."
"Kathy is, shall we say, no angel. But I will not answer to my wife, or sister-in-law, for what Kathy does here."

A Good Reason (Socks CLXIV)

"Let me suggest that you decline her offer."
Grunter got out of the car, "I will, if you say so."
"I do. And thank you for being so agreeable."
Frank smiled, stuck his hand out, and shook Grunter's, "You will stay away from Kathy, without even asking why?"
"Anything you want, Frank."
"I don't want you to go along just because I'm your boss."
"What, you want her for yourself? It doesn't matter, Frank. There is plenty of p^$$! to be had."
"That's not it, my boy." Frank stared directly in Grunter's eyes, "It seems that Kathy is my niece."

Late Night Meeting (Socks CLXIII)

Before Grunter could start his car, the headlights of the car behind him turned on. The outline of a man walking toward Grunter was visible in the driver's side mirror.
Frank tapped on the window.
"You scared me Frank."
"Sorry, didn't mean to. I was talking on the phone when you came out, so I waited."
"Did you need me to do something?"
"No, but when I saw you I decided to tell you something tonight instead of waiting till tomorrow."
"What's that?"
"I saw Kathy hold your hand back in your office."
"Yea, she invited me for a beer."

Kathy's Method (Socks CLXII)

Kathy stepped out of the door, "I'll have to escort you out, Frank. I'm not sure you can be trusted alone."
"Hurry up, my wife was being friendly," then Frank said something unintelligible.
"You're telling me more than I really need to know, Frank."
Grunter typed, clicked a few more times, then shut the computer down.
Kathy was at the front desk, "Where's John?"
"Bathroom."
Grunter held up his badge, "Good enough?"
"Sorry, again."
"I'm going to hold you to that beer."
"Sure. Most nights I get out at eleven, and when I go out, I stay for last call."

Kathy's Number (Socks CLXI)

Kathy stuck out her hand first, "I really am sorry, I shouldn't have teased you. I've seen you go through the front lobby and just assumed..."
"I thought it strange that you wanted me to wear my badge in my office. I shouldn't have got upset."
Frank headed for the door, "I'm going home. Maybe my wife is still in a cooperative mood."
Kathy held onto Grunter's hand a little longer than expected, "To show no hard feelings, call sometime, I'll buy you a beer."
"Sounds good."
"Write down my work number."
Grunter grabbed his pen.
"You ready?"
"Shoot."
"Zero."

Waiting For Kathy (Socks CLX)

"Kathy feels somewhat responsible for what happened. Says that she shouldn't have teased you without knowing you better."
Frank grabbed the phone and dialed, "John, Frank. Send Kathy up here, everything seems to be quiet."
As Frank hung up, "I got your message. I won't have to cover for you if you're really coming to the office."
"I didn't know I was coming here. I took a shower and couldn't go home with wet hair."
"That's all I need to know."
A knock was at the door. Frank opened the door, and invited Kathy in.
"Ok, Both of you. Apologize."

Just a Joke (Socks CLIX)

The guard left, closing the door. Grunter sat down and started typing and clicking.
After a time there was a knock at the door, "Well, if you came back to hassle me again, come on in."
The door opened, and Grunter stood up, "Mr. Petersen."
"I told you before, it's Frank."
"Ok."
"John called me on my cell, said there was a bit of a problem down here."
"Yes, the guard..."
"I know, but what you don't know is that Kathy, that's the guard, was just yanking your chain about the badge."
"Oh?"
"Kathy is willing to keep this unofficial."

Report (Socks CLVIII)

"Hello."
*
"Where else would I be?"
Grunter cupped his hand over the phone, "It's my wife. Do you mind?"
The woman in blue pointed to the badge clipped on his zipper.
Without success, Grunter tried to remove the badge one handed.
*
"What? I was talking to the security guard."
*
"I'm almost done, but don't wait up."
Grunter finished the call, removed his badge, and zipped up, "Anything else?"
"Yes. I'm going to have to report your actions, sir. In fact, while you were on the phone, I radioed John at the front desk to get a hold of Mr. Petersen."

Rules (Socks CLVII)

Grunter unzipped his pants and clipped the badge on the fly, "How's that? Does that comply with your stupid rules? Would you like to get close and read my name again?"
"Sir. that's uncalled for."
"Maybe I should haul out my @!($, and duct tape it directly to it. Would you like to see that?"
"Sir, I'm only doing my job."
"Is that in your job description to hassle the employees?"
"You're getting upset, sir. If this continues, I'll have to report this as harassment."
"If you have to, just leave."
The phone rang. The guard stood in the doorway.

Rounds (Socks CLVI)

"Just making rounds, sir. John at the front desk didn't say anyone was here."
"I'm almost done."
"May I see your employee badge, sir?"
Grunter went over to the chair, picked up his jacket, and took the badge out of the pocket, "Here you go."
The woman looked at the badge, then checked the name on the door.
"Thank you, sir."
"Is that all?"
"Just one more thing. Did you realize that you are supposed to wear your badge whenever you're in the building?"
"I'm in my office."
"I'm just informing you of the rules, sir."
"Ok, I'll wear it."

Thinking (Socks CLV)

Grunter got dressed and headed for the door, "I'll let myself out."
"Be ready to stay late after next Tuesday's meeting."
Grunter simply grunted, closed the door, sighed, got in his car, and drove to the office. He went to his desk and turned on the computer. He sat in front of the screen doing nothing, not typing, not clicking, just staring at the monitor.
There was a knock at the door, "It's open."
The boys could see a pair of very shinny shoes, and creased dark blue pants legs with a darker stripe on the side of each leg.

Christner Found (Socks CLIV)

Grunter wanted an explanation about Christner.
"What are you talking about?"
"At the restaurant tonight, Frank mentioned Christner, and now you say his name."
"So, Christner worked for Frank."
"I know, he quit."
"Christner is doing fine, he's over at Full Space Graphics."
"How do you know?"
"Essex does business with Full Space."
"And I suppose you do business with Christner?"
"It's time for you to go."
"It's time for you to explain."
"I will explain nothing. You will leave now, because I know that you used Frank's name to get into Shelly's knickers."
"You..."
"And I have Shelly's number."

Rerun (Socks CLIII)

Then it was like a rerun, drive to Gina's, off with the clothes, make the noises, get in the shower.
While Grunter was in the shower Gina walked out of the room and came back in with a glass of water. With her feet she moved Grunter's clothes into a pile, "You might be more trouble than Christner."
The bathroom door opened "What?"
"I was talking to myself."
"Did you say something about Christner?"
"You better get going, I have an early meeting."
"You said the name Chrisner."
"So?"
"Did you know Christner?"
"Yes."
"How well?"
"Go home, I'm tired."

Grunter Fabricates (Socks CLII)

Grunter went to his car. While driving, he punched buttons on his phone.
"I won't be home right away. We have more work to do."
A car honked at a dog in the street.
*
"Yes, I am driving."
*
"Where? Back to the office."
*
"Frank wants me to take care of something."
*
"I'm not going to explain my every move. You're not my mother."
*
"Don't you trust me?"
*
"My God, I'm just going back to the office for an hour."
Hanging up, grunter dialed again, "Frank, I need you to cover for me. If anyone asks I went to the office."

Grunter Waffles (Socks CLI)

Grunter turned, his car was across the lot.
Gina grabbed his sleeve, "Get in my car. Shelly is over by the door. I think she wants your plate number."
They drove, "Put in that Billy Joel CD."
After a few songs had played, Gina drove back into the parking lot, "She's gone. You can follow me to my house."
"I think I should go home."
"You have something to take care of first."
"It's getting late."
"It's not even nine o'clock."
"I should be getting home."
"You'll just have to work fast."
"I can't..."
"Stop talking. My house. Fifteen minutes."

Grunter Worries (Socks CL)

"What did she say?"
"We didn't talk very much. Yet."
"What do you mean, yet?"
"I might want to talk with her later."
"Why?"
"Like I said, she seems like a nice girl."
"Did you give her your card?"
"Ah, back to that. My assistant is pregnant. It wouldn't surprise me if she quits."
"You aren't thinking..."
"What business is that of yours?"
"But..."
"But nothing. Do you know what Shelly does for a living?"
"No, I don't."
"Neither do I, but I like her spunk."
"You can't..."
"Yes I can. That's enough talk, let's go."
"Gina, listen..."
"Let's go."

Grunter Waits (Socks CXLIX)

They sat at the table and talked for a few more minutes. Grunter had started to sweat more, and his foot was constantly bouncing.
"Let's go," Grunter took the lead heading straight for the door, but Gina went over to the end of the bar.
Out in the lot Grunter leaned against Gina's car, waiting, "Did you talk to Shelly? Did you give her your card? Why did you do that?"
"Whoa, one question at a time. I did talk to Shelly."
"What'd you say? What'd she say?"
"Slow down. She seems like nice girl. You should have been nicer."

Grunter Wonders (Socks CXLVIII)

Grunter put his phone away, stood in front of the mirror, and slowly combed his hair, "Christner? What the hell?"
The door opened, a man came in, and Grunter walked out to the table.
"I thought maybe you fell in."
"Why did you send Frank in there."
"I didn't. He saw us when they first came in the door, came over, and asked where you were."
"You ready? Did she bring the check yet."
"Yes, I'm ready, and HE brought the check. We had a waiter."
"Where's the check?"
"Essex paid. Or did you forget, this is a business meeting?"

Grunter Inquires (Socks CXLVII)

"Christner?" But the door was closed.
Grunter stood in the center of the room, and took out his phone. The phone said, "Beep, beep, beep."
"There it is," he pushed the green button.
"Randy, This is..."
*
"No, I didn't call for more advise."
*
"No, I don't need a new slogan."
*
"I called to ask about Christner."
*
"Why did he get fired?"
*
"He quit? Why?"
*
"Why would his wife..."
*
"Oh. With who?"
*
"Essex? What was her name?"
*
"But you're sure it was someone from Essex?"
*
"Ok, ok. Go back to your dinner."
*
"It's been programmed in my phone since..."
"Hello? Hello?"

Grunter Listens (Socks CXLVI)

"Your pretty, young wife called the day after we, supposedly, played Racquetball."
"What...I..."
"Don't worry, I covered for you."
"I don't..."
"The words you're looking for are 'Thank-you."
"Thank-you, Mr. Petersen."
"It's still Frank."
"Thank-you, Frank."
"I surmised what, or rather who you were up to."
"I won't try to lie to you, sir."
"No need to, just let me know before I need to cover for you."
"I'll remember that, Sir."
"Remember something else. Don't let your nightlife interfere with your business life."
"I will."
As Frank was leaving, "I would hate to see you end up like Christner."

Frank Talks (Socks CXLV)

Lar noted that as much as Grunter was squirming under Gina's questioning, his feet were shuffling and tapping more now.
"Maybe Frank won't notice us."
"I don't care if he does."
"But I'm married."
"You chicken, this is a business meeting."
"Good, he didn't see us. I'm going to the bathroom."
"Balk balk."
Grunter was in the restroom, the door opened, "Gina said you were in here."
"Hi Frank."
"So, you and Gina are here working out some of the bugs on the Essex campaign?"
"Yep. Just finishing up."
"Did I mention that your wife called me a while ago?"

Interrogation (Socks CXLIV)

"All that intrigue, just for some tail?"
"Gina..."
"Shelly's right. You're a snake."
"That was in the past."
"How long ago? And don't lie, I'll call Shelly over here."
"Almost a year."
"Was she the first during your marriage?"
"No."
"How many others?"
"Two."
"So, that's four indiscretions. In how many years?"
"Five and a half."
"Well, finish your drink, lets go to my house."
"I knew you'd understand."
"I understand that we, you and I, are going to my house tonight, and you, will, perform. Understand?"
Silence.
"Oh look, the real Frank Petersen, and his wife, just walked in."

Truth Extraction (Socks CXLIII)

They ate in silence.
Then, "I want to hear why you chose the name Frank?"
"I don't think it's important."
"Look, over at the end of the bar. She's still here. Shelly, that is her name? Maybe she'd like to meet the real Frank Petersen. Tell her story to him."
"OK, OK, I knew that Frank had an unlisted number."
"Keep talking. I want the whole story."
"The address I gave her was the house I grew up in, there was a fire ten years ago that destroyed five houses."
"Any more?"
"I told her that I worked at Pioneer."

Truth Hurts (Socks CXLII)

The ankles turned, "What is your real name?"
"Miss, were are having a business meeting here. I'm going to have to ask you to leave."
"Shelly, don't you..."
"Don't use my name unless you give me yours."
"Miss, don't make me call the manager."
"OK, I'll go, but remember, this guy is a snake."
The smooth ankles left.
"Frank Petersen? That was either gutsy, or just plain stupid."
"Did you mean what you said? That we are only colleagues?"
"You look hurt."
"Well did you mean it?"
"What do you care? You're married."
"Well I..."
"Get used to it. Frank."

You're What? (Socks CXLI)

"Miss, I don't know what your problem is, but the object of your anger is my work colleague. No more, no less."
"He took me to the casino for the weekend once. We had fun, gambled, saw a show. Then on Sunday morning while we were still in bed, he told me that he was married."
"Miss, I'm sorry for your misfortune..."
"Then he wouldn't answer his phone. I went to where he said he lived, it was a vacant lot. I called where he said he worked, they never heard of him. Is Frank Petersen even his real name?"

Unwanted Meeting (Socks CXL)

Time went by. The twins went to work with Grunter a few times with nothing remarkable happening. Meetings, dinners, trips to Gina's, and her stubbly ankles became commonplace.
Then after one particular meeting Grunter and Stubbly followed their routine of food and drinks.
A pair of smooth ankles came to the table, "I see no ring on this woman's finger. Where's your wife?"
"What do you want?"
"I want to expose you for the maggot that you are."
"Look, we came here for a quiet..."
The ankles turned a little, "Did he tell you that he's married?"
"Yes, I know."

Pretty Folds (Socks CXXXIX)

Pretty picked up the scattered laundry, talking softly, "How did we get here?"
She refolded the articles.
"When I first saw you walking across the campus, my heart fluttered."
Holding Boxer, "You swept me off my feet with your charm. Where did that charm go?"
She put Lar and Rar back together, "Five years of this is too much."
Pretty opened the drawer, "I've given all that I can."
She put Boxer and the twins in the drawer, "I don't care what the Fatman finds, I'm done."
A tear ran down her cheek, the drawer closed, footsteps left the room.

Pulling Wrinkles (Socks CXXXVIII)

Boxer taught Rar to pull the wrinkles out of himself. Rar became quite adept, but couldn't hold it as long as Boxer could.
"That's tough, I don't know how you hold it that long."
"You'll get better with practice."
All of a sudden Rar remembered that he didn't know where his brother was. Looking around he saw Lar hanging over the edge of the bed, "Hey, Lar. You OK?"
"Yea."
"Did you hear Boxer's story?"
"If you hadn't been laughing so hard, you would have heard me laughing."
Footsteps were in the next room, then Pretty walked in, "Oh crap."

Rebellion Part 3 (Socks CXXXVII)

"I left Grunter alone the rest of the day," Boxer continued, "but one other day I picked at him all day."
Rar's laughing slowed.
"That day, when he was by himself, I stayed straight. Then as soon as I heard him talking, I climb up his crack. The higher pitch the other voice had, the deeper I'd scoot."
Rar smiled.
"Every time before Grunter could drop his pants, I'd hurry and get myself straight. It was tough, but I even pulled the wrinkles out. Then I'd hold myself flat until he wasn't looking. We did that at least ten times."

Rebellion Part 2 (Socks CXXXVI)

"Before long, I was peeking over his belt on one side, and a third of the way down his cheek on the other. I could tell Grunter was trying not to squirm, so I put some pressure just above one testicle. That made his voice crack a little."
Rar was laughing, trying to get Boxer to stop talking, but Boxer wouldn't quit.
"By the time I finished with him, he was getting sweaty. He gave an excuse about having to make a call, and went directly to the restroom, and dropped his pants to his knees to get straightened around."

Boxer Rebellion (Socks CXXXV)

As, Rar listened, Boxer told his tale.
"One morning not long ago he stared in with the blow and sniff routine right away. He did it all the way to work. I got mad. I waited for him to get in a group of people to get my revenge."
"I could hear some woman talking about radio and TV cost per minute comparisons, and increased sales. When Grunter started talking I went to work."
"I shoved myself into his crack. He wiggled, and I traveled deeper. Then I moved around to one side so that his package was hanging free."

Unwanted Moisture (Socks CXXXIV)

"Is that as nasty as it sounds?"
"Sure is."
"I can't think of anything I like about this guy."
"That's not all, sometimes he doesn't shake off good enough, and I get a big, smelly wet spot next to my fly."
"He dripped on Lar and I once."
"I remember, I was there. I had a huge wet spot that night."
"That was you?"
"That moron stood in front of the hand dryer, blowing hot air on me till I was almost dry."
"I say it again, I don't like Grunter."
"When I get tired of him, I get even."

Boxer's View (Socks CXXXIII)

Grunter took out his phone and pushed buttons, "I'll be a little late getting back from lunch. If anyone from Essex calls, tell them I'll call right back, and get a hold of me on my cell."
Before Grunter left the room he gave the clothes one last kick. Rar flew, landing on the boxers, next to the wall.
"Man, that guy's a jerk."
"Right you are, and he has a bunion on the left foot."
"He blows gas every time he gets in the car."
"Every time?"
"Often enough. Then he will sniff, and say 'That's a ripe one."

Liquid Lunch (Socks CXXXII)

Grunter opened the wallet and counted, "Twenty, thirty, five, and one, two," then jiggled the coins in his pocket.
"Lar, do you think Nick is in there?"
"I hope not brother, I hope not."
Grunter left and a few minutes later came back carrying a glass containing ice in a golden liquid. He would sip, then shake the glass, making the cubes tinkle against the edge of the glass, then sip again.
He took a tee-shirt from the basket, tossing it, then turned the whole basket upside down, kicking the clothes, "Next time take care of the laundry on time."

Wallet Search (Socks CXXXI)

Grunter continued to talk into the phone, "Don't ever put me on the spot like that again."
*
"I don't care what I implied, don't..."
*
"Just don't, or you'll find out."
*
"Hello. Hello. B!#@#."
Grunter punched buttons, waited, "Who do you think you are, hanging up on me? We'll talk about this later. And next time I call, you answer. Got it?"
Grunter paused, "I'll be home late tonight," then smashed the red button.
Walking around the room, Grunter looked atop the dresser, then searched the shelf above the headboard, finally the nightstand.
"There it is," he picked up his wallet.

Boxer Ball (Socks CXXX)

Grunter stared at the basket, "What's this?"
Picking up Boxer so that he unfurled, Grunter muttered, "Couldn't you take care of the laundry before you left?"
"Hey I was all folded."
Grunter didn't hear.
"Fold me back up."
Squishing Boxer into a ball, Grunter tossed him into the basket, and pulled out his cell phone.
"I came home for lunch, where are you?"
*
"Why didn't you finish the laundry first?"
*
"Oh, Mom wanted to leave."
*
"Are you really with your mother?"
*
"Wait. No, don't put her on."
*
*
"Hello."
*
"Are you enjoying your lunch?"
*
"Sure put her back on."
*
*
"Real funny."

Enter Boxer (Socks CXXIX)

"Lar, did you understand all of that?"
"I think so."
"Please explain it to me."
A pair of boxers spoke up, "Yea, explain why she's mad at me too."
"She's not mad at you."
As best he could, Lar explained why Pretty was angry with Grunter, why she called the Fatman, the whole mess.
The brothers agreed on several things. They both liked Pretty, Mom, and Dad, but not Grunter, or Ms Stubbly.
"Who's Ms Stubbly?" Boxer had never seen her, so that was clarified.
From the other room, "Hello?" Grunter walked in the bedroom, "Where the hell is she?"

Resolve (Socks CXXVIII)

As the TV softly departed it's accounts of events and weather Mom said, "Let's go have some lunch, and I'll get the money out of the bank."
"I'm nervous."
"We don't have to get the money."
"No, I have to find out."
Pretty carried the basket into the bedroom, and set it on the bed. She put some items into the closet. Then she picked up a pair of underwear and looked at them, "Once I catch you, you cheating a$$#@!E, you'll be washing your own boxers."
She tossed the boxers back in the basket, and left, "Mom. I'm ready."

The Agreement (Socks CXXVII)

"Mom, can I borrow some money?"
"How much?"
"Five hundred."
"You have that much, easily."
"Yes, but the Fatman wants cash, and if I take it out of the bank...."
"I understand."
"That much gets us started. He said the average cost is about fifteen hundred."
"We can help you."
"He will give me a tracker to put in the car. My name is on the title, so it's legal."
Mom said nothing.
"I can have pictures, or catch them in the act."
Mom let pretty ramble on.
"I don't even know the fatman's name, he calls himself Mick Jagger."

Tuesday Decision (Socks CXXVI)

"I've been thinking about hiring a private eye. That voice change sealed it. I think Frank's covering for him" Pretty flipped through the phone book. She mumbled to herself.
"Mufflers, plumbers, printers, restaurants, crap, private investigators. See investigators and investigation services."
She flipped the other direction, "Loans, furniture, insurance, investment securities, ahh, investigators. Wow, there really is a Fatman agency, who knew."
Pretty punched buttons, "Yes, I wonder... I would like to... I believe my husband may be having an affair... I want him followed."
*
"OK. I understand"
*
"I work tomorrow afternoon, I'll call in the morning." The call ended.

Tuesday Dead End (Socks CXXV)

Pretty's thumb hit the red button, the phone found it's way to the coffee table, and another tear headed for the ground.
"Crap."
Mom came in, "What?"
"When I mentioned racquetball, Mr. Petersen's voice changed. He said that it was his pleasure to beat the new guy. He said that he always likes to spend social time with people that are being groomed, get to know them outside work."
"Maybe..."
"Then he said that the two of them would be probably spend quite a bit of time together in the near future."
Pretty paused, then, "But Mom, his voice changed."

Tuesday Fishing (Socks CXXIV)

"If you call his boss and he's not lying....."
"I know, I'll look like a nut case. I have a plan."
Mom went back to the kitchen.
Pretty called. She explained to the person on the other end who she was and that she would like to speak to Mr. Petersen.
"...called to thank you for trusting my husband with the Essex campaign."
*
"Yes he is, very excited."
The conversation carried for a few more minutes.
"I won't take up any more of your time, but thanks again."
*
"Oh, and thanks for taking him to play racquetball, he loves playing."

Tuesday Information (Socks CXXIII)

Sounds came from the kitchen. Cupboards and drawers, opened and closed, metal tinkled against metal, water ran, and Mom hummed.
Pretty sat on the couch talking into the phone, "Thank you."
Pretty punched the red button, set the cordless on the coffee table, and stared across the room. A single tear made it's way toward her chin.
Mom came in with coffee, "Are you OK?"
"I still don't know anything. The courts close at nine, but they don't lock the doors until ten."
"Maybe he's telling the truth."
"I doubt it."
Pretty sipped her coffee, "I should call his boss."

Tuesday Call (Socks CXXII)

"What are you going to do?"
"I'm going to call Court Connection to get their hours."
"Should I leave, so you can have your privacy?"
"No. I've been putting it off, waiting for you to get here."
"OK?"
"I don't want to be alone, in case I get bad news."
"When are you going to call?"
"Right now."
"I'll go to the kitchen, make some coffee while you call."
"Thanks, Mom."
"I'll be right in here if you need me."
Pretty got the phone book, flipped pages, and punched buttons.
"Hello. Can you tell me what hours you are open?"

Tuesday Suspicion (Socks CXXI)

Grunter left. Pretty put the boys in the washer with other clothes. After drying they were in the basket, being carried to the living room when the doorbell rang.
"Mom?"
"It's me."
"Come in."
The boys were near the bottom, under most of the clothes, they could hardly hear. The basket was on the couch, between Mom and Pretty. They shared the job of folding, and as the clothes were removed above them, they heard more of the conversation.
"...home late again last night."
"How late?"
"After eleven."
"What was his excuse?"
"Playing racquetball with Frank. I'm sure he's lying."

Monday's Answer (Socks CXX)

Grunter gave no response.
Pretty left the room, but in a short while, "I've made eggs and toast."
"Be right there."
"Where did you play?"
"How long will you yammer?"
"How long will you avoid the question?"
No response.
"Your breakfast is getting cold."
"Not as cold as your.."
"I'd be warmer if you'd be more honest."
"Give me a break."
"I'm fresh out of breaks. Where did you play?"
Grunter said nothing, but left the room.
Pretty got Grunter's suit jacket and left. From the other room came, "Here's your coat. Where did you play?"
"Court Connection. OK?"
"Thank-you."

Monday Or Tuesday? (Socks CXIX)

Pretty took a pillow from the bed, and a blanket from the closet, then carried them out of the bedroom.
The alarm went off, three times. Grunter got up, stumbled over the pile of clothes at the foot of the bed, kicked them toward the basket, and walked into the bathroom. The shower turned on.
Pretty came in, put the clothes in the basket, put her blanket in the closet, and made the bed.
The water shut off and Grunter walked in.
"Where did you play?"
Grunter said nothing.
A moment later, "The coffee is on. Where did you play?"

Monday Ends (Socks CXVIII)

"You're late, and you put the blame back on me?"
"I didn't know I had a curfew."
"Just be honest with me."
"I walk in and you start with the finger pointing."
"What am I supposed to think?"
"What ever you concoct in your little mind," Grunter said tapping Pretty's forehead.
She slapped his hand away, "Answer one more question."
"No more questions."
"Where did you play?"
"I'm going to bed."
"Where did you play?"
Grunter ignored his wife, undressed, got in bed, and was soon snoring.
From the top of the pile Rar yelled, "HE"S LYING!!!"
She didn't hear.

Monday's Q&A (Socks CXVII)

"What clothes did you play in?"
"I have some at the office."
"Where are they now?"
"I forgot and left them in Franks car."
"Why does your breath smell like beer?"
"We stopped for a drink."
"A drink?"
"A few."
"You never told me where you played."
"I don't need this."
"Where did you play?"
"I'm not answering any more questions."
"Who is she?"
"Your so insecure, you always think there's another woman."
"Admit it, it looks fishy."
"To a nut case."
"I'm not a nut..."
"Maybe it's you that's stepping out. You know what they say about the accuser."

Monday Homecoming (Socks CXVI)

Grunter toweled off, sat on the edge of the bed, and dressed.
"Let yourself out. Catch the lights, and lock the knob. Don't worry about the deadbolt."
"What about your car?"
"Just go home."
In the car the radio was silent, accelerating was gentle, and the braking smooth .
When Grunter stepped into the living room, Pretty was still awake, watching the news.
"I didn't expect you this late."
"I didn't either."
Pretty got up and kissed grunter, "Did you just get out of the shower?"
"Frank wanted to play Racquetball."
"This late? Where?"
"What is this, the third degree?"

Monday's Zenith (Socks CXV)

Next thing the boys knew, the pants, the shirt, and the grundys were on the front room floor. Christner reached down and touched Rar.
"Leave those on, I'm in a hurry."
Christner stood up. Gina said, "Mr. Hurst is back," making engine noises and pretending to shift again.
Next they were between the sheets, the twins rubbing against the stubbly ankles, the humans snorting, and grunting.
"Why didn't that lowlife leave us on the floor?"
At least it didn't last very long.
"Don't fall asleep. Shower up and go home to your wife."
"Brother, he has another name, it's Grunter."

Monday's Top Ten (Socks CXIV)

Gina opened the door and walked in ahead of Christner, turning on the kitchen light.
"Lock the door."
She turned the TV on, "Have a seat, I'll be right back."
Christner kicked off his shoes, and put Lar and Rar up on the coffee table. He held the remote and surfed, stopping on Sports Center. By the time Gina came back in he was all caught up on the playoffs, and the top ten plays of the week.
"Sorry, I had to make a call."
She took the remote, turned the TV off, and pushed him down on the couch.

Monday Rules (Socks CXIII)

"If you can't keep this quiet, it's off."
"I can do that."
"If you act any way except normal, what we are about to do, will never happen again."
"Call me Mr. Normal."
"Well, I can't call you Mr. Hurst. The gearshift has shriveled."
"It'll be back. Let's go."
"Not so fast, there's more. Don't call my house."
"Fine."
"Or my cell after work hours."
"Anything else?"
"Yes. Did you bring any condoms?"
"No, I didn't expect..."
"I have some. Bring some from now on."
"OK."
"Kimono. Type E."
"I use Trojans."
"Not on me you don't. Let's go inside."

Monday Drive (Socks CXII)

Christner got back to the table, "We can go, I signed the tab, Essex is buying."
In the car Gina kept leaning over from the passenger seat and talking in Christner's ear while he tried to drive. They both laughed, the music was loud, and she had his pants undone. She gave him directions.
"The next left," moving her hand in his crotch she would say, "This way."
"Down shift," as she mimicked a gear shift, making engine noises.
"Next driveway on the left. Park in front of the garage."
Gina got serious, "Before we go in, some ground rules."

Monday's Lies (Socks CXI)

Lar and Rar talked with the shoes, heard the music, smelled the beer leaking from Christner's pores. Most of this was familiar. Then one foot came out of the slip-on, stretched across, and stared rubbing on Rar.
"Lar, there's a callous on this big toe."
Lar laughed, the slip-ons laughed, Rar didn't laugh. This was becoming intolerable.
Christner went into a small room and stood facing the wall, making humming noises. He stepped from the wall, took out his cell, and punched buttons.
"The meeting's going longer than expected."
*
"Sid wants us to go to his office."
*
"Don't wait up."

Monday's Ankles (Socks CX)

The twins were under the table across from a pair of brown, open-toed slip-ons. The shoes were nice enough, but not too bright. They gabbed on about the places they had been, sidewalks, carpets, wooden floors, stair cases. It was all boring, but that part was tolerable.
Every now and then the pants would ride up and the ankles would show. Unlike the smooth ankles of Pretty, these were a bit chubby and unshaven. This part was also tolerable.
Someone put money in the jukebox, the boys thought of Nick, and they could no longer hear what was being said.

Monday Teachings (Socks CIX)

As the others were leaving, Gina said, "Grab your folder, let's get a booth so they can clean up."
At the booth Gina said, "I need a drink, a whiskey sour, a double."
"Were still working."
"OK, we'll put it on the Essex tab."
"We can't drink on the..."
"On what? The clock?"
"Yea."
"Did you punch a clock today?"
"No."
"Let me tell you how this works. You're on a new level now, not all of the rules are applied equally."
"But Frank..."
"If Timmy and Megan hadn't been there, Frank and Sid would have had two or three."

Monday Meeting (Socks CVIII)

"OK, everybody's here. Let's eat, I'm starved," said Frank.
After the meal Tim put a flip chart on an easel, "We picture a mainly TV campaign, using cable supplier's ability to target specific demographics and..."
Tim droned on, Megan droned on, then Sid took the floor.
"That's as far as we can go today, we'll meet again in two weeks ."
Gina said, "I have some ideas I'd like to run past our new ad man. Can I keep him here, Frank?"
"Sure, I'll ride back with Tim and Megan."
"You rode with me," Sid exclaimed.
"I'll catch a cab."

More Monday (Socks CVII)

The phone rang. "Of course you can ride with me, Frank."
The ride to the restaurant was different than the ride to work. No loud rock music, accelerating and braking was smooth, and no other drivers were castigated.
"It will be pleasure to work with you again, Sid," Christner said.
"You can thank Frank and Gina. They recommended you to get your shot in the pilots seat," Sid confided.
Gina put her hand on Christner's shoulder, "When I heard your name, I knew the campaign was in capable hands."
The only two members of Christner's team, Tim and Megan, arrived.

Monday Continued (Socks CVI)

All started normal on that fateful Monday, jack rabbit driving, cell phone calls, horn honking, and berating fellow drivers, but by the time the twins got back to their drawer, Christner would have a new moniker.
First thing that morning Frank had Christner and his team in for a meeting, neither Randy nor Karen were there.
At the end of the meeting Frank said, "Don't forget, lunch-meeting at noon with Sid and Gina from Essex. It should take most of the afternoon."
Christner went to his desk, shuffled papers, typed, and made calls.
Lar noted that the clip was gone.

Monday Starts (Socks CV)

The boys spent yet another night propped on the brass rail. Christner drank, played pool, and hit on women. The man didn't wobble as much as the last time, but they still had beer spilled on them.
Again they were on the floor at the foot of the bed. Again they were washed, dried, folded, and put in the drawer by the nice lady, Pretty Shanks.
The next time the twins left the drawer must have been Monday, because before Christner went to work Pretty said, "Good luck with the new account. Knock 'em dead."
"You sound like my mother."

Two Dates (Socks CIV)

At the desk the boys and the clip chatted while Christner read the file then made calls.
"I can't out go to dinner tonight. Mr. Petersen gave me a new account. I'll have to work late."
*
"Some more spots for Essex."
*
"I'm heading the project."
*
"He said to call him Frank."
*
"That's all you worry about. No raise, just a bonus."
*
"Got work to go. Don't wait up I might be real late."
He dialed again.
"Good news, I'm getting out early."
*
"I can be at Remington's about 3:30."
*
"Yea, dollar drafts tonight."
*
"I'm buying. I got a raise today."

Slogans (Socks CIII)

Frank led the way down the hall. Chrisner stopped at an open door. Lar and Rar recognized Randy when he looked up. Christner stuck his hand in the room and raised one finger, Randy chuckled.
The woman in front of Frank's office gave Christner a file folder. Frank said, "Go over these slogans, if you have any ideas, e-mail me before you leave."
Christner stepped into another office on the way back, "Karen, can you look at these slogans?"
Karen opened the folder, and handed it back, "These are mine."
Christner turned to leave.
"So long, Christner."
"You too?"
"Yep."

Slogans (Socks CIII)

Frank led the way down the hall. Chrisner stopped at an open door. Lar and Rar recognized Randy when he looked up. Christner stuck his hand in the room and raised one finger, Randy chuckled.
The woman in front of frank's office gave Christner a file folder. Frank said, "Go over these slogans, if you have any ideas, e-mail me before you leave."
Christner stepped into another office on the way back, "Karen, can you look at these slogans?"
Karen opened the folder, and handed it back, "These are mine."
Christner turned to leave.
"So long, Christner."
"You too?"
"Yep."

Pre-lunch (Socks CII)

"I take great pride in my holding abilities."
"Do you ever let go?"
"Yes, I use my strength to grasp until I need to release."
"Then what?"
"I get put on some more papers to do it again."
"How many times have you done this?"
"At least a dozen."
The knock came at the office door and it opened immediately, it was Frank, "Why's the door closed?"
"Randy closed it earlier."
"When are you taking lunch?"
"About ten minutes."
"I've got something for you, it'll take about an hour. Do that, then take the rest of the day off. Celebrate."

Clip (Socks CI)

"I'm changing his name. He is no longer Rough, from now on we will call him Christner."
"You hate this guy, don't you?"
The new Christner sat at his desk the remainder of the morning making calls, typing, and muttering.
"Those troublemakers better stay out of my way."
A small bent wire bounced off the rim of the waste basket and fell next to Rar, "Hello."
"I've never seen anything like you."
"We keep feet warm."
"Is it fun?"
"Except when the feet stink."
"This bunion is no fun either."
"What are you?"
"I'm a clip, I hold papers together."

Christner Remembered (Socks C)

"You call him Frank?"
"That ok with you?"
"Christner used to call him Frank."
"And?"
"Christner doesn't work here anymore," Randy sang.
"I'm not Christner. I might have a chat with Frank about this."
"Before you do, know that the whole group is ready to let Mr. Petersen know what you did."
"Which was?"
"Karen came up with most of the ideas."
"But I..."
"Bob did the post production."
"You can't..."
"You stole the credit."
"You ungrateful..."
"We're together on this."
Randy open the door, "It's time to sink or swim, Christner."
The closed door heard, "Don't call me Christner."

Can I be Frank? (Socks XCIX)

Rough was at his desk when another man came in the small office, "Heard you got the Essex account."
"Sure did, Randy. You want on the team?"
"No, got a full plate already," Randy shut the door.
"I could use your talent on this."
"I bet you could."
"Come on, we'll tear this one up."
"We?"
"Just like the public service job."
"Do you mean that the team stays in the office and does the work, while you golf with Mr. Petersen?"
"What are you saying?"
"That's the way it worked on the TV seven spots."
"Frank needed a partner."

Call Me Frank (Socks XCVIII)

"Come to think of it, the only job you handled were those public service announcements for channel seven."
"It came out good though."
"That's why I think you can handle it."
"When do I start?"
"Next Monday. Tie up all the loose ends on anything else you have."
"I won't let you down, Mr. Petersen."
"Call me Frank."
"I will."
"Well, you better get busy on those loose ends."
The man said, "Thank you, Sir," shook Frank's hand, and left the office, taking Lar and Rar went with him.
Rar didn't like this man and took to calling him Rough.

Assignment (Socks XCVII)

Mr. Petersen's feet were atop a large desk. Leaning back in a leather chair, a phone to his ear, holding up one finger, he pointed to a chair, nodded, and smiled.
"True. He hasn't headed anything this big, but he can handle it."
*
"Because he's tore up every assignment he's had. I have personally given him every crap job that came in, and he did it with a smile."
*
"Thanks, Sid." Mr. Petersen hung up.
"That was Sid at Essex. You head his next ad campaign."
"I haven't had crap jobs."
"I know, but you swing a mean golf club."

Summoned (Socks XCVI)

The radio came alive, the car moved, stop and go, the horn honked a couple times, and before long the man got out of the car. Lar and Rar had no choice but to tag along.
The man went through a set of glass double doors. There was a woman at a desk just inside.
"Any messages?"
She handed him a slip of paper, "Only one. Mr. Petersen wants you to see you right away."
The man walked down the hall to a different desk, a different woman, "Mr. Petersen wanted to see me?"
"Yes. Go on in, he's waiting."

Commute Calls (Socks XCV)

Soon the boys were in the car, the man driving. His cell phone rang.
"I don't know if I can go to dinner tonight."
*
"Go ahead and make reservations. That way you can be in control of the restaurant."
*
"No. I won't have time to make the reservations."
*
"I don't care. Wait, no chick-flick."
*
"I'm in traffic, gotta go."
The man immediately pushed more buttons.
"Hey man, I might not be able to shoot pool after work."
*
"The old lady wants to go out tonight."
*
"I'll call later, let you know."
He hung up, "Let's go moron, the light's green."

Before Work (Socks XCIV)

One morning the twins left the drawer. Rar got the bunion this time. The man walked around the house, shaving, eating, and drinking coffee.
"What are your doing today?"
"Lunch with Mom."
"Again? Why don't you get a regular job?"
"I can make as much doing call-in."
"You don't have a schedule. It disrupts our life."
"If we make plans, I can refuse."
"You never refuse work."
"Let's do something tonight. I'll take my name off the list."
"Maybe."
"Why don't we go to dinner, and catch a movie?"
"We'll see."
"I'll make reservations."
The man silently left the room.

First Wash (Socks XCIII)

After an evening of drinking, loud music, bad smells, and wetness, the boys ended up on the bedroom floor in the same pile as the other smoky, smelly clothes.
In the morning, Pretty picked them up, "Pew," and put them directly in the washing machine.
They swam around with pants, shirts, and underwear, then tumbled in the warm air of the dryer.
Pretty folded them and took them back to the drawer.
"That was quite an experience."
"I'm figuring out that I like some of these humans. Some I don't."
"Me too. I like Mom and Dad."
"And Pretty Shanks."

Bar Scene (Socks XCII)

Lar and Rar made at least a dozen trips across the room. Under each table would be ankles not as big as the ones they covered. The boys talked to anklets, panty hose, even Croks. The man would stay a short time, then go back next to ASICS.
As the evening went on, they made more trips across the room, but the stays got shorter.
One time while talking with ASICS, a bitter liquid came down on them. Later they bumped into a chair. Once they stood looking at a wall, the man stumbled back, and they got wet again.

At The Bar (Socks XCI)

The shoes covering the twins were black leather, while the running shoes were white with some blue. They claimed to be ASICS. It was on their tongues.
ASICS explained all they knew about footwear, but it was confusing to listen to them. When they talked they would finish each others sentences, they would talk at the same time, and you couldn't tell which one was talking.
Every so often the man would leave the bar, walk across the room and stand for a while near a pair of shoes that were smaller, had high heels, or sandals with painted nails.

To The Bar (Socks XC)

Rar went on first. This foot didn't smell like the Dad's bare feet. Then Lar went on.
"Smell that?"
"How could I not?"
"I hope all feet don't smell like this."
"I got a bunion over here on this one."
"Yuck. Are you getting poked in the toe?"
"Yes. This must be what Dick called nails."
Shoes covered the twins, and off they all went.
They stayed for quite a while, in a place where loud music played. The shoes were propped on a brass pipe between two pair of tennis shoes.
"We're running shoes, those are tennis shoes."
"Sorry."

Rough Actions (Socks LXXXIX)

The man walked into the bathroom. Rar could see his reflection in the mirror brushing his teeth. He dug around in his nose for a few seconds, then put his index finger under the running water. Then he lifted each arm and, in turn, sniffed both hairy armpits. After putting on deodorant he got a shirt from the closet, and farted.
Sitting on the edge of the bed, the man put one bare foot on his knee, and grabbed the twins. Rar hadn't noticed that the man was barefoot, but remembered getting stepped on by bare feet. That was ok.

Rough Hands (Socks LXXXVIII)

Lar and Rar could hear noises outside the drawer. The drawer opened. Rough hands picked them up, inspected them, rubbed each ones toes, as if fumbling. That didn't feel so great.
The man mumbled, "Not bad. Finally, she didn't screw something up."
He tossed the boys on the bed, pulled out his cell, and punched numbers.
"Want to go have a beer?"
*
"No, she works till eleven. She left a note."
He talked for a few more minutes, and put the cell away.
Next he took off his shirt, leaving it a crumpled heap at the foot of the bed.

Late Call (Socks LXXXVII)

Pretty came in the room, "Who was that?"
"Your Dad. He's golfing."
The women were in the kitchen talking when the phone rang.
"Hello."
"Sure. I might be a little late."
Pretty hung up the phone.
"They need someone to come in 3 to 11, and cover in ER."
"I'll go. If I get out of your way you won't be late."
Mom put Sony back in the purse.
The two ladies said their good-byes and Mom left.
"There goes Nick and SONY. I like those guys."
Pretty carried the boys to the bedroom, and shut them in the drawer.

Cell Call (Socks LXXXVI)

"Hi," Mom whispered.
*
"I can't, she might hear."
*
"Yes I am, we just finished lunch."
*
"I played it for her."
*
"Not much, she left the room as soon as it was done."
*
"I think Sarah surprised her."
*
"I've got to hurry, she's in the bathroom."
*
"I said that I wanted her to hear Sarah."
*
"I think so, she looked like she was going to cry."
*
"Well, I told her that I didn't want her to feel bad."
*
"Of course I did, but not too bad."
*
"Right, just bad enough to not doubt me. Ever again."
*
"Got to go, she's coming."

Replay (Socks LXXXV)

"You don't have to play that, I feel bad for doubting you already."
"I'm not trying to make you feel bad. I just want you to hear Sarah."
SONY repeated the scene that had taken place between Mom and Sarah while the women ate their soup.
"Wow, she came right out and admitted it. What will you do with it?"
"Nothing now. Sarah promised to tell the girls."
"And if she..."
"I have the recording."
Pretty took the bowls to the sink, "I have to go to the bathroom."
When Mom was alone she grabbed her cell and punched buttons.

Remorse (Socks LXXXIV)

It was Pretty Shanks. Lar and Rar were glad to see her again. Pretty handled the boys and massaged their scars. That still felt good.
"Looks like new, Mom."
"I don't think he'll be able to tell."
Pretty hugged Mom saying, "I'm sorry that I didn't believe you."
"Don't fret, Sarah fooled everyone."
Pretty set the twins on the counter, and stirred the contents of the pan on the stove. The pan giggled with each swirl of the spoon.
"Hope you don't mind leftover corn chowder."
Bowls were filled and set on the table.
Mom pulled SONY from the purse.

Departing (Socks LXXXIII)

Mom held the nickel between her thumb and forefinger. As the change purse clicked open, Nick wiggled out of the grasp. He jumped between the wallet and the twins, "Hi, boys," and down to the bottom. He had spent some time there and was glad to be back.
"Damn it. I'll get it later."
Mom carried the purse containing SONY, the twins, and Nick out to the car.
Before long The twins were removed, "So long friends, good luck."
"Later, Nick."
Nick knew that objects came and went, most of the time forever. He had warned them of this earlier.

Call (Socks LXXXII)

Mom’s voice was muffled coming from the bedroom, but when she walked past the shelf she could be understood. She was crying when first she came through, but at the last she was smiling and said, “I can be there for lunch. Oh, the mending is done, I’ll bring them.”
“I think she’s talking about you boys, this might be good-bye,” said Nick.
Farewells were passed around as a man on TV yelled, “Come on down.”
Mom opened her purse, and put the Gylegrey brothers in. She picked up SONY muttering, “You need to come along too.”
She grabbed Nick.

Pre-Call (Socks LXXXI)

Dad hugged Mom, “I knew you would pretty soon.”
“I’m still mad.”
“I knew that too.”
“How?”
“You haven’t used your daughter’s name for a week.”
“Why did she believe Sarah?”
“We should have explained the first time.”
“Everyone should know that I wouldn’t steal.”
“I agree. I’ll leave so you can call.”
Dad walked into the bedroom and came out with the trophy, ”I’ll carry this in the golf cart.“
“Why?”
“I beat Fred by two pins for this. He buys the beer today.” Dad headed for the door.
Mom punched buttons on the cordless, and left the room.

It’s Ten (Socks LXXX)

By now the laughter had settled.
“I can’t hear it now, myself.”
Mom and Dad looked at each other without speaking.
Seth Thomas sang out ten times.
“Are we going to stare at each other all day?”
Dad weighed his options. “I have a noon tee time; you‘re naked.”
“Go get dressed.”
Dad turned toward the bedroom, Mom pulled his boxers to his knees.
Dad chuckled, Mom whistled, and the boxers said, “Wee.”
Dad held the trophy, and hoisted his grundys one handed.
The humans, clothed, came into the room.
Mom picked the twins from the shelf, “I’ll call today.”

Formal Talks (Socks LXXIX)

“Looks like I ended up on the floor that time.”
“You have relieved us of that tiresome trophy at the very least, lads,” said the book.
“I like when you talk formal,” said the coin.
“Explain yourself, Nick.”
“Sometimes you talk formal.”
“I do not believe my speech is in a formal manor.”
There was a pause while all the objects looked one to another, then all burst into laughter. Dick laughed so hard he snorted.
“Listen Dad, the noise is back.”
Dad looked around, still holding the trophy.
After about a minute he said, “I don’t hear a thing.”

It’s Time (Socks LXXVIII)

Rar had been clipped, sewed, folded, and stuffed in a purse, but being stepped on by bare feet felt pretty good.
Dad picked him up and folded him together with his brother.
He showed the twins to Mom, “You know, it’s been more than a week.”
“Tomorrow, I promise.”
“You said that two days ago.”
“This time I mean it.”
“Your daughter called to talk to you yesterday.”
“My daughter? She’s yours too.”
“Yea, but I’ve talked to her every day this week.”
“I’m still mad at her.”
“She called to apologize.”
Dad put the boys back on the shelf.

Another Try (Socks LXXVII)

“Hang on, Rar.”
“Let go of me, scoundrel.”
Lar hugged Two, but Rar fell to the carpet. Dad’s bare feet stepped on him.
“This trophy was about to fall again.”
“Did you hear me? I said the noise stopped.”
“I heard you, but I didn’t hear any noise.”
“Maybe you should get your hearing checked.”
“I’m not the one hearing noises.”
“Very funny.”
Dick was eavesdropping. “She’s listening, We can get her attention now.” He had learned form the last time, he simply shouted and every object one the shelf joined in. Without Lar and Rar, they weren’t loud enough.

Two On One (Socks LXXVI)

Both boys were deep into the fray.
"Two against one, no damn fair," the trophy declared.
"Looks like two against Two," Nick joked.
Rar became weak with laughter. Two gained the upper hand.
The twins rallied, and before Dr. Phil ended, Two was on the verge.
Every object on the shelf started cheering.
"Push boys."
"Don't let 'em get away."
Even the lamp wanted Two expelled, and voiced her opinion loudly.
Mom turned the TV down. "Dad, come listen."
Dad walked in, stood, listened, spotted the trophy, and grabbed him, pulling the twins from the shelf.
“Crap, the noise stopped.”

Struggle (Socks LXXV)

Again, Rar had slipped behind Two, pushing.
"You won't shove me off this time, you lint specked lout."
"Sure about that? You're almost at the edge."
Rar thrust with his toe. Two twisted left. Rar drove his heel into the trophy's base, pushing him closer to the brink.
The fight lasted through Good Morning America. The humans passed the shelf several times, but didn't notice the struggle.
Two was strong. Rar was loosing his grip. Two spun to the right, away from Rar, only to run into Lar.
The abrupt stop put Two off balance. Now Lar began to push.

Aesthetic Debate (Socks LXXIV)

The underwear discussion continued. Although Dick had never actually seen corsets, girdles, or bustles, he taught the others about these and more.
Nick didn't understand why would humans want to be round up top and in the rear, "Flat, and Round in the middle is the best look."
"Big on one end is better," the bulb claimed.
"That look is ok, but without the rusty base," the lamp added.
"Silver and slim," said SONY.
"Knowledge is more important than looks," Dick declared.
Two had feigned indifference during the conversation, gazing out into the room. He felt something at his back.

Morning View (Socks LXXIII)

Mom was watching the morning news, Dad stood in the bedroom doorway, watching her.
"I like seeing you like this, but we should get dressed."
"I'll be right there."
Dad ducked into the bedroom, and came back out in his boxers. As he walked around the house, getting coffee, stopping to watch TV, and brushing his teeth, the boxers were singing. The humans didn't listen.
Dick explained that most boxers liked to move around uncovered.
Nick had talked to underwear while in pockets, and said that other styles had similar likes.
"As a rule, panties like it too." Nick added.

Contention (Socks LXXII)

"Let's go on two. In honor of old second place," Rar chided.
"No. Thirty seven, that's how many hours I record."
"How about sixty. I'm a sixty watt."
"We should use three," said the three way lamp.
"How about a million? I have about that many words in me," Dick asked sarcastically.
Mom stood in the middle of the room. not moving. Her head turning slowly side to side.
The argument continued until Mom gave up and turned the TV on.
Dick was frustrated.
"If we had yelled on three, she might have listened."
"Sixty."
"Two."
The controversy started again.

Craving Attention (Socks LXXI)

"Listen," Mom said.
"She's listening," Dick said.
"Try again."
"Hello."
Mom just stood still, quietly looking around the room.
"Hey."
Each object, in turn, tried to get Mom's attention.
"Over here."
The lamp spoke up, "Bring Verde back, please."
Mom slowly moved about the room, stepping as lightly as possible, stopping frequently and looking around.
"Listen to me, you fixed my toe."
"Listen to me. I'm a winner."
"Listen to me, I'm worth five."
"Let's work together. She listened when we all laughed or cheered," said Dick.
"Everybody yell, on three. Ready?
"Why can't we go on five?" Nick asked.

In The Buff (Socks LXX)

"Humans would never listen to you losers."
"So, they would listen to you?"
Two pretended to ignore the question.
Light came through the curtains, and the humans carried their plates into the kitchen.
Lar had never seen humans without clothes.
"It's called naked." Dick explained. He had seen this occurrence occasionally throughout his years on the shelf. Usually early in the morning.
"Maybe you can talk to Dad," Rar said to Two.
Two snubbed Rar, but when the humans came through the room, Two yelled "Hey."
Dad breezed past.
The others laughed.
Mom stopped walking, and turned toward the shelf.

Hark (Socks LXIX)

Dick stopped laughing. "Mom is listening to us."
"So?"
"Remember when she found Libbey? She didn't listen then."
"When Mom fixed my toe, she said, "You look good now," then rubbed the sore spot."
"She talked to me when she sewed my heel, too."
"Dad talked to me when he put me up here with you guys," Nick added.
"Humans talk to objects quite often," Dick said, "but seldom listen."
"They listen to me all the time," SONY said.
"Not the same thing."
"What does this mean?"
"It means you're all lowlifes."
"Lowlife is synonymous with troublemaker, that fits you."

Two Returns (Socks LXVIII)

Dad carried one plate of eggs, bacon, and toast through the room. On the way back from the bedroom he set the trophy back on the shelf. He grabbed another plate of food and headed to the bedroom.
"I'm gonna keep an eye on you this time, fuzzy."
"You should. I get the chance, I'll shove you off again."
"Rar, ignore Two. He's got the disposition of a dime," Nick said.
"Disposition? That's a big word, Nick. You've been listening to Dick."
"Sure have. He's smart. Smart enough to like Oprah."
Everybody laughed, except Two.
"Dad, listen."
"Listen to what?"

Cheering Things (Socks LXVII)

Mom was sitting up in the bed when Dad put Two in her hands.
"Second place. Not bad."
"Thanks."
"723. Is that pins or beers?"
"Neither; barmaids."
"You wish."
"Tell you what Mom, you stay here, I'll make us breakfast in bed."
"If your not too tired from all those barmaids."
"I have a little energy left."
As Dad walked into the kitchen, the humans talked louder.
"Scrambled eggs ok?"
"Just right. What do you plan to do with this trophy?"
"I think I'll put it on the bookcase downstairs in the rec room."
"I just heard that applause again."

Hearing Things (Socks LXVI)

Thump.
"What was that?"
"I'll go check it out."
Dad touched the lamp and the bulb sprang into action. "My bowling trophy fell off the shelf."
"I heard applause."
"All I heard was a bump. Maybe your clock-radio is on."
Dad picked Two from the floor and set him on the shelf.
"The radio's off. Bring that trophy in here, I want to see it again."
Dad grabbed Two and started for the bedroom.
"There it goes again"
"What?"
"I heard applause again."
"You must be hearing things," Dad muttered.
"I heard that."
"You always do."
The lights went out.

Eviction (Socks LXV)

Who did these jokers think they were? Two ran with winners. Two was a winner.
"You're all losers. At lest I got second place. You got no place."
"We were getting along quite well, before you got here," Dick said.
"Wasn't my idea to hang out with you lowlifes."
While Two was bickering with Dick, Rar got behind him and pushed. Two was heavier, stronger, but slower. He tried to get out of the way. Rar had the jump on him.
Rar pushed throughout the night. Just before daybreak, Two lost his balance, tumbling from the shelf.
Cheers went up.

Two (Socks LXIV)

"Bingo genius, I'm a trophy. How'd ya guess?"
"I didn't guess."
"OK wise guy, what is it that I do?"
"You are a token or remembrance of success."
"Think you're pretty smart, don't ya?"
"He is smart," Nick claimed.
"Butt out. Who asked for your two cents?"
"Five."
"What're you talking about?"
"I'm worth five. What are you worth?"
"A lot. Man, I only hang with the best."
"Looks like you hang with second best," Rar piped in.
Everyone laughed except the trophy, and SONY repeated the conversation.
Dick said, "We should call him Two."
The whole business irritated Two.

Dad's Prize (Socks LXIII)

Lar, Rar, Sony, Nick, and Dick remained on the shelf together. Day and night went by several times. They would watch TV or talk to the other objects in the room. Most objects in the room couldn't be heard over the noise of the TV.
One evening Dad came in, singing, and set something on the shelf. Dick had a good view and read it.
"ALL-CITY SENIOR LEAGUE. 2ND PLACE SERIES. 723. Dick said with a deep voice.
“Why did you make your voice funny?”
“That’s the way it’s written. All bold letters.”
“What is it?”
“A trophy," Dick said."

A Libbey Sighting (Socks LXII)

With daylight came the humans, and the TV, stopping the conversation. Nick was glad. The lamp had dominated the room, yakking about her favorite bulb. At least she was more courteous.
Dad brought two steaming cups into the room. Mom stirred, Libbey laughed. Mom handed the spoon to Dad. Dad stirred, Libbey laughed. Then Mom and Dad laughed. Libbey sure enjoyed her job, but why were the humans laughing?
Mom picked up Lar and Rar. "I've got to take these home, but.....she believed Sarah."
"She'll come around, we have the recording."
"Maybe tomorrow."
Mom set the twins on the shelf.

Bulb Talk (Socks LXI)

"Well, your base is a little bit tarnished," the lamp confessed.
"Wait, I remember a green bulb. I sat next to him," the bulb said
"Really? Tell me, how was he?"
"Fine. His accent was hard to understand at first."
"I know. Did he tell you about his home?"
"Yes, he said it was hot there. He called it Caliente."
"I love his voice. I miss him so much."
"Did you know that green means innocent?" Dick said.
"I hope he comes back soon."
"Maybe for the next party."
"Party?"
"Right, when humans get together for fun."
"Verde is fun."

Dick Butts In (Socks LX)

Dick had heard enough, "You didn't like the last bulb either."
"What do you know?"
"The only bulb you ever liked was that green one mom gave you."
"Verde was nice."
"It was so romantic. A room full of humans, music, laughing. Then Seth Thomas rang twelve times and the humans were kissing. "
"I remember. We were having fun."
"I heard you two laughing together."
"So?"
"So, you've been a witch to every bulb since."
"He never even burned out, just got taken away."
"Not our fault."
"So that's it. Tell me the truth. Is my base really rusty?

Spectators (Socks LIX)

"My last bulb was brighter than you."
"We've been through this, I'm a 60 watt."
Rar hollered up to Nick, "Are you listening to this?"
"Yea. We've heard a lot of squabbles today."
"Some real doozeys."
"Again with the talking. I'm trying to listen."
"Who was that?"
"That was Dick. He likes Oprah."
"I don't like..."
"Relax, it's just a joke. By the way, Rar, Lar, this is Dick and SONY."
Neither bulb nor lamp paid attention to the others, and the spat continued.
"You have a burr on your base that irritates me."
"The good news-I'm a Long Life."

A Light Disagreement (Socks LVIII)

The TV went dark and as the humans left the room, the lights went out.
With the noise of the TV gone the twins could hear a few objects around the room talking.
"You are the most obnoxious bulb I have ever worked with. Your base is corroding and your too hot.
"Well you're stuck with me."
"I'll be here long after you have burned out."
"Until then, I'll take pleasure in your discomfort."
"If you would be just a little more agreeable..."
"Well, I'm not."
"I like it when a bulb does the job without all the chatter."
"Tough."

Libbey's Bath(Socks LVII)

Lar and Rar were still where mom had placed them, on the arm of the couch, when Dad came back. The boys could hear Nick, Libbey and a couple other voices coming from the shelf.
The twins watched as Dad carried Libbey away. Libbey's giggles lofted into the room. Surely she was getting a bath.
As night fell the boys, Mom, and Dad stayed on the couch and watched a bald guy making people open briefcases. Some of the cases were hollering, "Pick me. Pick me." Mom and Dad didn't seem to notice.
"Lar, I hope we see Libbey again."

Libbey finds a home (Socks LVI)

"Dad? That was quick."
"Sarah couldn't wait to get out of the car."
"Do you think she'll keep the bargain?"
"Well Mom, we have the recording."
"Look on the shelf, see what I found in my purse."
"Nice spoon."
"It must have got stuck in the bottom of my purse."
"It says Libbey Freedom."
"What should we do with it?"
"Let's keep it."
"It? I'm a her." Dad didn't hear.
"I think it's already my favorite spoon."
Dad carried Libbey to the kitchen, bathed her, and placed her in the drawer.
She liked being the prettiest spoon in the drawer.

Reunion (Socks LV)

Only a few hours had passed since the purse had slid across the room, yet Nick and Libbey were happy to be together. Introductions were done all-around.
"Dick is the smartest animate I've ever met."
"Lar said you were the wisest."
"Dear lady, the definition of smart is having knowledge. Wise is the application of knowledge that comes from experience."
"Nick, he is smart."
Dick told Libbey different definitions for her last name, Freedom.
For the next hour SONY taught the others how to repeat, Nick recounted stories, and Dick shared more of his knowledge.
Footsteps were in the kitchen.

Cleaning The Purse (Socks LIV)

Mom, Dad, and Sarah came back into the living room talking. With some persuasion Sarah reluctantly accepted Dad's offer of a ride home.
They left. Mom went to the bedroom and came back with the purse.
Setting the purse on the couch, she took things out and began to organize them. The checkbook, keys, Lar, Rar, the wallet, and finally Libbey.
"Well look at this." Mom held the spoon.
"Where's Nick?"
Mom didn't hear Libbey.
"Maybe I'll keep you as a memento."
"Are you listening?"
No, Mom wasn't listening.
Mom set Libbey on the shelf. "Wait till Dad sees you."

More Playback (Socks LIII)

Sony then repeated a noise that was part word, part grunt and part growl. Also in the background Mom was laughing, calling Dad a stooge.
"Let me give you a ride Sarah."
"I wouldn't ride with you..."
"Aw come on, we've known each other for years."
"Yea, I know. You just want her name cleared."
Sarah's voice got smaller and smaller until SONY repeated a clunk.
"That's all I heard fellas."
Nick was amazed that Sony could repeat so perfectly.
"I do my best repeating when my red button gets pushed and I can remember for a long time too."

Plea Bargain (Socks LII)

Nick exclaimed, "This is as good as Oprah.
Dick shushed him. "I'm trying to listen to SONY."
"I thought you didn't like Oprah."
"This, is not Oprah."
"Dick likes Oprah, Dick likes Oprah."
SONY stopped repeating during the quarrel. "May I continue?"
"OK, I'll never sit next to you."
"What about the manager?"
"I'll talk to him, but I'm saying that I was just trying to play a joke on you."
"Whatever...so long as he knows that I'm not a thief. Dad I think we're done. Would you drive Sarah home now?"
"Just call me a taxi."
"Ok. You're a...."

Playback (Socks LI)

Dick, Nick, and the recorder were on the shelf talking when Dad came in and grabbed the recorder. "I'll play it back for you, Sarah," and left the room.
Soon Dad walked back in and put the recorder next to Nick.
Dick now had a different view. "SONY."
"Yes?"
"Just reading."
SONY started repeating the human's conversation to Nick and Dick.
"Listen to this Sarah." Click.
"Want to hear it? I put silverware in your purse. And," Click.
"Need to hear more?"
"No."
"Then you'll tell the girls that I'm innocent?"
"Yes."
"And you'll never sit next to me again!"

Echo (Socks L)

"Dad, you're such a pistol."
"Maybe that's why Sarah called me a son-of-a-gun."
"Sarah, I'll make some coffee. We'll talk."
"What choice do I have?"
Dad set the recorder on the shelf. The three humans left the room.
"My name's Nick. What are you worth?"
"My name's Nick. What are you worth?"
"What?"
"What?"
"Stop that."
"Stop...Sorry, I was repeating."
"What are you talking about."
"I hear sounds and repeat them."
"Why?"
"It's fun. You should try it."
"It's fun, you should try it."
"Not a bad first attempt."
"Hey Dick, repeat after me. I'm a boring book."
"Very Funny."

Clandestine (Socks XLIX)

Dad walked into the room.
"You son-of-a..."
"Sorry Sarah. Had to do it."
"You tricked me!"
"And you set me up. I could be in jail right now."
"You should be."
"My name was in the papers. Nobody believed me."
"I believed you, Mom"
"Well, nobody else will. It's your word against mine."
Dad held up a small digital recorder. "Sarah, this will go no further, unless you make a stink."
"A couple of real snakes."
"Listen to the pot."
"What do you want?"
"Clear Mom's name with the girls and the restaurant."
"If I don't?"
"I have the recording."

Confession (Socks XLVIII)

The laughter subsided.
"Well girls, where do we go from here?"
"Sarah should admit to putting silverware in my purse."
"I will not."
"I'm going back to the garage. You two make up."
"Make up implies that we were once friends."
"If you didn't want to work things out, why did you agree to come?"
"I wanted to hear her admit who she slept with."
"I admit it Sarah, your turn."
Silence.
"I'll be in the garage."
A door shuts.
"Want to hear it? I put silverware in your purse. And, I'd do it again."
Footsteps were in the kitchen.

Dick's Wisdom (Socks XLVII)

Dick's wisdom: an incomplete list.
1. In addition to humans there are animals and plants.
1a. Humans are animals. (Confusing.)
1b. Most plants can respond, but choose not to.
1c. Some animals respond.
2. All others are objects. (Two categories.)
2a. Animates. ( Talkers.)
2b. Inanimates. (Mutes.)
3. Objects hear humans.
3a. Humans seldom listen to objects.
4. Objects move slowly. (Compared to animals.)
4a. Humans misunderstand when objects move or talk.(A picture leaping from a wall, a chair creaking, lost keys.)
4b. Some malicious objects try to injure others. (A brick once jumped on a man's head, killing him.)

Detente (Socks XLVI)

Nick and Dick heard the laughter.
Now Nick was really confused. "Why are they laughing? Aren't they fighting?"
"Let's see. One can laugh for amusement or contempt."
"Which is it?"
"Who knows. I don't always understand humans."
"Humans?"
"Correct. That is what they are called as a group."
The lesson continued. "Dad is a man, the other two are called women."
"Why did Dad call them girls."
Dick went on to explain that and many other uncertainties that Nick had.
Nick was amazed at Dick's knowledge. Maybe Nick had misjudged. The book was not a pompous windbag, just slightly stuffy.

Out In the Open (Socks XLV)

Conversation continued on the couch and the shelf.
"Dick, why did she get called a rounder?"
"She must have ran the bases a lot."
"What's loose?"
"It means not fastened. I don't get it."
Dad stuck his head in.
"How are you girls doing?"
"Sarah confessed to putting silverware in my purse."
"When?"
"Just now."
"I remember your confession."
"He already knows who I slept with."
"Is she talking about the peace rally?"
"Yep."
"Sarah, Mom and I got no secrets."
"Besides, he wasn't that good. It was over in ten seconds."
Sarah laughed but looked at Mom with daggers.

Discourse (Socks XLIV)

Dick and Nick discussed the happenings in the living room.
"What's a Klepto?"
"The only reference I find is kleptomania, the urge to steal."
"This is great, just like WWF."
"I find this petty bickering pedestrian."
"You've used that word before, what is it?"
"Dull and ordinary, resembling this conversation."
"You don't have to be mean."
"My apologies, I'm afraid my social skills are atrocious."
"What?"
"I purport that very little company visits up here therefore I forget how to interact."
"How do you pass the time?"
"Mostly recalling the words I have inside myself."
"And you called me dull?"

Top Shelf (Socks XLIII)

Nick watched from the shelf. "This is better than Oprah."
"Oprah is pedestrian."
"What? Why would you say that?"
"Her topics are mundane."
"She covers important topics."
"She covers Hollywood."
"What about her book club?"
"Pulp."
"What makes you the expert?"
"I am the king of books."
"Oh yea, what are you worth?"
"I'm priceless. Inside me is every word in the English language, it's definition, plus it's synonyms and antonyms. I am Dick Shawn Aries."
Nick looked the large book up and down thinking, "Maybe I could learn some more words from this pretentious bastard. Who has three names?"

Piece Talks (Socks XLII)

"Do the others want me out?"
"Doesn't matter, I want you out."
"I'll tell them what you did."
"They won't believe a klepto."
"What did I ever do to you?"
"You only slept with my husband."
"Where did you get that idea?"
"Admit it."
"We were in college, he wasn't your husband."
"He was my boyfriend!"
"It was the sixties."
"And?"
"One time."
"Keep talking, Klepto."
"After a peace rally."
"I guess you got a piece, huh?"
"I hardly knew you."
"What difference does that make!?"
"You were a rounder yourself back then, Sarah."
"Not near as much as you."

Peace Talks (Socks XLI)

"Please hear Sarah out."
"I'm listening."
"The girls feel bad about what happened."
"Then why didn't you defend me?"
"This wasn't your first offence ..."
"I know. I did rehab."
"Who's fault is that?"
"The judge gave me probation."
"I'll talk to the manager, see if you can come back."
"You ladies don't need me. I'll be in the garage."
A door shuts.
"You put silverware in my purse, didn't you?"
"But you..."
"That's the second time you set me up."
"Wait a minute."
"I wasn't sure it was you the first time. Why?"
"You don't deserve a red hat."

Camp David (Socks XL)

Mom and Dad came back in the room.
"Oh. It's you."
"I brought Sarah so you two could talk."
"Give those to me."
Mom snatched the boys out of Sarah's hand, grabbed the purse, and left the room.
"Come back and hear Sarah out."
Silence.
"What's this?" Dad reached down, picked up Nick, and put him on the bookshelf.
"My purse is in a safe place now. Go ahead, say your peace."
"I'm sorry you can't come back to the restaurant. We can go to a different place."
"I'm not sure I want to. Maybe I should find new friends."

Dad Returns (Socks XXXIX)

Nick scooted away. "Crazy chick."
Inside the purse, until it stopped, the beeping was not loud, nevertheless annoying.
"Boys, what was that noise?"
"Don't know. Nick was talking to someone, but I couldn't make it out."
Libbey entertained the Gylegreys telling of the different things that she had carried to the mouth.
Footsteps were in the kitchen.
"Mom! No wonder we couldn't get through." Dad hung up the phone.
"Mom, where are you? I brought someone home. Wait here."
Dad left the room, voices could be heard. One of the ladies from the restaurant took the twins from the purse.

Tinnitus (Socks XXXVIII)

"Tell me something and I will tell someone else what you said."
"What are you?"
"I'm a phone."
"And you can't keep a secret?"
"No silly, I pass on only what you want me to."
"To who?"
"Your friend."
"Let me get this straight. I tell a phone and you tell a friend?"
"Right. Tell me something"
"I'm here under the couch."
"Who do you want me to tell?"
"Libbey."
"What's her number?"
"What?"
"I have to have her numb......If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and dial again."
"What? Are you nuts?"
"Beep, beep, beep, beep..."

Phone Abuse (Socks XXXVII)

Nick could see the strap of the purse hanging over the edge of the couch. His friends were in there.
"Hey! Down here!"
They couldn't hear Nick over Mom's phone conversation. Mom was getting loud.
Mom slammed the handset down. It fell off the hook and hung by it's curly cord.
"Ouch. Damn it, that hurts."
Mom didn't hear, she was heading for the bedroom, crying.
"You alright?"
"Yea, nothing broken."
"How much you worth?"
"What are you talking about?"
"I'm worth five."
"You want me to relay a message for you?"
"What?"
"That's what I do. I convey words."

Accusation (Socks XXXVI)

"Sorry, I forgot to call. "
*
"Your dad is so great, I should have known he'd call you."
*
"Right, they asked me not to come back."
*
"No, I didn't."
*
"You sound like those bitches."
*
"It was Sarah. I shouldn't have sat next.."
*
"Who called who?"
*
"Before you called me?"
*
"Well, what was her story?"
*
"Sarah is a F-----g liar."
*
"I'll talk any way I please, I'm mad."
*
"No, I didn't get caught. Sarah set me up."
*
"I knew going to lunch with them was a mistake."
*
"You think what??"
*
"My own daughter!"
*
"I've got to go!"
*
"I'm hanging up now!!"

Nick Gets Lost (Socks XXXV)

Dad left the room, a door shut.
"Libbey?"
"Boys! Where's Nick?"
"Under the couch, last I saw."
Looking through the legs of the coffee table to see the TV, Nick hoped to see Oprah. A court show was on now. The people kept talking over each other. Nick could make no sense of their conversation. He was glad objects weren't as rude as people. Except dimes, those condescending bigots.
A broken, mute, potato chip was the only object under here, Nick had to get back to the purse. He scooted just past the edge of the couch.
The phone rang.

Change of Plans (Socks XXXIV)

Dad set the purse on the couch and started replacing the strewn contents. Lipstick, a compact, a hairbrush. He picked five pieces of silverware from the floor, holding them in the light of the front window.
"Mom, we have to do something about this."
Libbey was wedged in the bottom of the purse. The wallet now covered her. She was alone.
"I'll return these to the restaurant, and explain to the manager."
"Thanks Dad."
Dad held the Gylegreys out. "What should I do with these?"
"Put them in my purse. I was going to drop them off after lunch, but..."

Deception (Socks XXXIII)

The purse was moving, swinging. Mom kept drawing white tissues out. The purse was flying, slamming to a stop. There was a roar and a squeal. The purse was thrown off the seat, picked up, swinging fast again, flying, then finally stopped, crashing in front of the TV. The twins, the wallet, the silverware, Nick, and most of the stuff in the purse scattered from the doorway to the easy chair. Mom, cussing, kicked the wallet. The wallet bumped Nick. Nick slid under the couch.
Dad came down the hall. "What's wrong."
"That bitch Sarah. She set me up again."

Search Me (Socks XXXII)

"Ma'am, would you come with me, please."
"Why?"
"I need to talk with you."
"I don't think so."
Rar was put back in the purse, the wallet over him.
"You can talk here."
"I didn't want to do this here, but may I look in your purse, Ma'am?"
"I don't think you need to look in my purse."
"The waiter says my silverware in your purse."
"What are you saying?"
"Ma'am, let's not have a scene."
"I don't like your tone, young man. I didn't steal your silverware."
"Ma'am, your meal is free this time, but please, don't come back."

Telltale Fork (Socks XXXI)

Rar grabbed one of the forks in a frantic effort to stay in the purse. Mom pulled the wallet, Rar, and the fork into the air.
Rar could see the purse still on the floor next to the table. He let the fork fall back in the purse, it clanked against the other silverware.
"What was that noise?"
"I don't know."
"It sounded like silverware to me."
"I didn't hear anything."
"Did you put the silverware in your purse again?"
"Do you want to get us banned from this place too?"
"If you biddies don't believe me, check my purse."

Libbey (Socks XXX)

Lar stepped in thinking there was going to be trouble.
"Don't worry, me and this old fart were just kidding. Having fun."
"Who you calling old? I'd flat wear you out."
"Nickel, please."
All four burst into laughter.
When the ruckus died down Libbey told of her experiences. Coffee, soup, and pudding.
Clam chowder and a hot bath afterwards was her favorite.
Nick recalled some of the food that he had helped trade for.
The Gylgreys showed Libbey their wounds. She was very impressed just as Nick had predicted.
The purse moved and the wallet left pulling Rar with it.

Jocularity (Socks XXIX)

"Who's this pretty little thing?"
"Nick, this is Libbey. Libbey, this is old enough to be your grandpa."
"Take it easy, I was just being friendly."
"Don't bother asking, I have no idea what I'm worth."
"I like you, you have spunk. Where you from?"
"Don't know."
"Say's China back here. You don't look Asian."
"Don't be lookin' back there! Eyes front, Nick."
"What did I tell ya, boys. This one has metal. "
The twins watched the exchange between the other two.
"Libbey, lets you and me rub together, make some sparks"
"I would rub that 1973 right off."

Name That Spoon (Socks XXVIII)

"Hi. I'm Lar this is Rar. What's your name?"
All was silent.
"Hi? I didn't know I could do that," said a spoon.
"You mean talk?"
"Yea, talk. Talk. I think I like to talk."
"So?"
"So what?"
"What's your name?"
I don't know. Do I need one?"
"Let's give her a name, Lar."
"OK. Turn around, let's have a look."
"Read this, Lar."
"Libbey Freedom."
"That's your name. Libbey. Libbey Freedom."
"Right. Call me Ms Freedom. No, call me Libbey."
"Well Libbey, you need an education."
"Come with us, Lib."
"Be ready, Nick's gonna ask you what you're worth."

Family Skeleton (Socks XXVII)

The brothers and the coin talked and laughed all morning. They could tell that the purse had been moving.
Mom removed the Gylgreys from the purse.
"See you latter, Nick."
"Hope so boys."
They were at a round table with a half dozen women, all had gray hair, like Mom.
The twins were passed around the table, each woman massaged and inspected the recovering injuries.
"Perfect."
"Good as new."
"Flawless."
Lar and Rar loved the attention and the petting. When they got back to the purse some new occupants had come to visit. Two knives, two forks, and two spoons.

More Of Nick (Socks XXVI)

"Pleased to meet you, Rar."
Nick was glad to see Lar, glad to have an audience for his wisdom.
Lar warned Nick on the hazards of mice.
Rar told about Oprah.
Nick liked Oprah. He had been in a pocket when he and four other coins made their escape. They had remained under the cushions for a month. Nick worked his way to the front partly to get a peek at Oprah. Mostly to get away from the only other talker in the couch, a dime.
Upon inspection of the healing wounds, Nick pronounced the twins lucky.
"Chicks dig scars."

Back To Health (Socks XXV)

The boys turned their backs to one another. They woke to some guy talking about weather and one hundred year old people.
Mom picked up Lar and looked at his heal. When she set him back down the twins were face to face.
"Hi."
"Hi."
"Sleep good?"
"Yea. You?"
"Didn't mean it, bro."
"Me neither."
After breakfast Mom and Dad sat on the couch. Mom darned Lar's heal, heedless of Lar's moans. "How's that feel?"
"Great, words can't describe."
Mom massaged Lar's stitches and put the pair back in the purse.
"Come on down, I want you to meet Nick."

A Tiff (Socks XXIV)

The twins hung out on the couch talking way past midnight. Lar was resolved to not complain about his heel.
Lar told of his near escape.
Rar told about Oprah.
Lar wondered how Nick would have handled the mouse.
Rar said how good it was to see his brother again.
Lar recounted the tales of Nick.
Rar talked concerning Mom's "stories."
Lar relayed Nick's wisdom.
Rar reported on Mom's stitching skills.
Lar chronicled Nick's adventures.
Rar spilled the beans about Mom and Dad on the couch.
Lar hoped to see Nick again.
"Is Nick your total conversation?"
"Is Mom yours?"

Forced Empathy (Socks XXIII)

Dad drew a glass of water and noticed that Lar had been moved. He picked him up, seeing the bite mark on his heel and the black rice kernels next to the toaster.
He rummaged in a drawer and set a trap.
"Mom, you've got more mending to do. Those damn mice are back."
"Not again."
Lar got put on the couch next to Rar .
"Sorry that I ditched you when your toe was hurtin', Rar."
"That's alright, Bro. How's the heel?"
"Hurts. Like a son-of a-bitch."
"Mom will fix you, she's good. Look at my toe, it feels great."

Close Call (Socks XXII)

When night fell Rar was still on the couch. On the TV people sang, a guy told them that they shouldn't.
When the house got quiet a mouse with a very fat belly came from behind the refrigerator. Sniffing across the counter eating crumbs, she crawled down inside the toaster. Lar could hear nibbling.
When the mouse came out she chewed on a bread wrapper until she spotted Lar. She dashed over to Lar and sniffed his heel. Grabbing Lar with her teeth, she pulled him toward the back of the refrigerator. She dropped Lar when the light came on.

P.M. Delight (Socks XXI)

Rar stayed in the living room while Mom watched Oprah.
A pair of calloused furrowed hands, Dad's, held Rar, rubbing his tender spot. He put Rar on the back of the couch.
Dad put his calloused hands on Mom's shoulders, kneading.
"Ooh, Aah."
A shirt settled atop Rar, blocking his view. He could hear noises. Smacking, slurping, giggling. The couch was moving. What the hell was going on out there.
The shirt was removed from Rar.
Mom's hair was down on one side and she was laughing.
She told Dad that he still had it.
Rar wanted to see it.

On The Mend (Socks XX)

"Ever see Doc again? "
"Nope, but that's the way things work."
Lar and Nick talked all night and into the morning.
Lar learned new words. Purse, wallet, license, and keys just to name a few.
A slightly wrinkled version of the nice lady's hands clipped the excess string from Lar's toe and put him on the counter.
Mom took Rar to the living room turning on Guiding Light. With needle and thread she deftly repaired Rar's toe. Stitching and pulling and tying, it all felt so good to Rar.
The pain nearly gone, he knew he would be healed.

Rescue (Socks XIX)

When water poured in, Doc would float around, laughing and howling, settling in a different place.
One day a white sphere with red stitching bounded in and startled Nick. Next to come in was a long thin arm. The hand felt around, snatched Doc, and pulled him out. The hand came back, grabbed Nick, then finally the sphere.
Nick got put in a pocket with some dimes.
This made Lar laugh.
"What's so funny?"
"Dimes? You hate dimes."
"I got traded for a candy bar right away."
"What's the point?"
"The point is Lar, be careful if you play Hedzurtales."

A Doc In The House (Socks XVIII)

Clunk.
Nick landed on a metal cylinder.
"Ouch."
"Sorry mister."
"That's Doctor, Doctor Pepper."
"Pleased to meet ya, Doc. I'm Nick Cole. How much you worth?" That was the first questions Nick asked anyone that would talk.
"Ten cents, five some places, and nothing other places."
Nick felt baffled , he was always worth five.
Nick tried talking to a shoe and a bottle cap, like most items they were both mute.
Once a smoldering tube dropped in. She talked until her red glow went out. Doc checked her, nothing could be done. They said a prayer for her soul.

Acrobatics (Socks XVII)

Nick liked to play a game called Hedzurtales. He would spin through the air so fast he would get dizzy, involuntary pinging. He tried to imitate the sound, but it wasn't very loud. Then he would land in a palm and quickly move to the back of a hand.
Sometimes he would end up in a different pocket after the game.
Once while playing Hedzurtales, houses going by on one side, cars on the other, Nick hit the thumb instead of the palm. Nick went flying, bouncing. He landed on a piece of metal, falling through one of the holes.

Trading (Socks XVI)

Nick had been lots of places. Bunches of times he had slid down a tunnel, falling into a pile of coins. Immediately, he would hear bumping noises nearby. Nick had the feeling that he had been traded for something. Nick said that Lar couldn't fit through the slot to the tunnel.
Nick got dropped in a tin cup once. Lar thought that sounded fun.
Nick's favorite thing was when a wrinkled hand would place him into a youthful, chubby hand. When that happened, he would be gripped tightly and directly traded for bubble gum.
"That would be cool," Lar said.