Monday Drive (Socks CXII)

Christner got back to the table, "We can go, I signed the tab, Essex is buying."
In the car Gina kept leaning over from the passenger seat and talking in Christner's ear while he tried to drive. They both laughed, the music was loud, and she had his pants undone. She gave him directions.
"The next left," moving her hand in his crotch she would say, "This way."
"Down shift," as she mimicked a gear shift, making engine noises.
"Next driveway on the left. Park in front of the garage."
Gina got serious, "Before we go in, some ground rules."

Monday's Lies (Socks CXI)

Lar and Rar talked with the shoes, heard the music, smelled the beer leaking from Christner's pores. Most of this was familiar. Then one foot came out of the slip-on, stretched across, and stared rubbing on Rar.
"Lar, there's a callous on this big toe."
Lar laughed, the slip-ons laughed, Rar didn't laugh. This was becoming intolerable.
Christner went into a small room and stood facing the wall, making humming noises. He stepped from the wall, took out his cell, and punched buttons.
"The meeting's going longer than expected."
*
"Sid wants us to go to his office."
*
"Don't wait up."

Monday's Ankles (Socks CX)

The twins were under the table across from a pair of brown, open-toed slip-ons. The shoes were nice enough, but not too bright. They gabbed on about the places they had been, sidewalks, carpets, wooden floors, stair cases. It was all boring, but that part was tolerable.
Every now and then the pants would ride up and the ankles would show. Unlike the smooth ankles of Pretty, these were a bit chubby and unshaven. This part was also tolerable.
Someone put money in the jukebox, the boys thought of Nick, and they could no longer hear what was being said.

Monday Teachings (Socks CIX)

As the others were leaving, Gina said, "Grab your folder, let's get a booth so they can clean up."
At the booth Gina said, "I need a drink, a whiskey sour, a double."
"Were still working."
"OK, we'll put it on the Essex tab."
"We can't drink on the..."
"On what? The clock?"
"Yea."
"Did you punch a clock today?"
"No."
"Let me tell you how this works. You're on a new level now, not all of the rules are applied equally."
"But Frank..."
"If Timmy and Megan hadn't been there, Frank and Sid would have had two or three."

Monday Meeting (Socks CVIII)

"OK, everybody's here. Let's eat, I'm starved," said Frank.
After the meal Tim put a flip chart on an easel, "We picture a mainly TV campaign, using cable supplier's ability to target specific demographics and..."
Tim droned on, Megan droned on, then Sid took the floor.
"That's as far as we can go today, we'll meet again in two weeks ."
Gina said, "I have some ideas I'd like to run past our new ad man. Can I keep him here, Frank?"
"Sure, I'll ride back with Tim and Megan."
"You rode with me," Sid exclaimed.
"I'll catch a cab."

More Monday (Socks CVII)

The phone rang. "Of course you can ride with me, Frank."
The ride to the restaurant was different than the ride to work. No loud rock music, accelerating and braking was smooth, and no other drivers were castigated.
"It will be pleasure to work with you again, Sid," Christner said.
"You can thank Frank and Gina. They recommended you to get your shot in the pilots seat," Sid confided.
Gina put her hand on Christner's shoulder, "When I heard your name, I knew the campaign was in capable hands."
The only two members of Christner's team, Tim and Megan, arrived.

Monday Continued (Socks CVI)

All started normal on that fateful Monday, jack rabbit driving, cell phone calls, horn honking, and berating fellow drivers, but by the time the twins got back to their drawer, Christner would have a new moniker.
First thing that morning Frank had Christner and his team in for a meeting, neither Randy nor Karen were there.
At the end of the meeting Frank said, "Don't forget, lunch-meeting at noon with Sid and Gina from Essex. It should take most of the afternoon."
Christner went to his desk, shuffled papers, typed, and made calls.
Lar noted that the clip was gone.

Monday Starts (Socks CV)

The boys spent yet another night propped on the brass rail. Christner drank, played pool, and hit on women. The man didn't wobble as much as the last time, but they still had beer spilled on them.
Again they were on the floor at the foot of the bed. Again they were washed, dried, folded, and put in the drawer by the nice lady, Pretty Shanks.
The next time the twins left the drawer must have been Monday, because before Christner went to work Pretty said, "Good luck with the new account. Knock 'em dead."
"You sound like my mother."

Two Dates (Socks CIV)

At the desk the boys and the clip chatted while Christner read the file then made calls.
"I can't out go to dinner tonight. Mr. Petersen gave me a new account. I'll have to work late."
*
"Some more spots for Essex."
*
"I'm heading the project."
*
"He said to call him Frank."
*
"That's all you worry about. No raise, just a bonus."
*
"Got work to go. Don't wait up I might be real late."
He dialed again.
"Good news, I'm getting out early."
*
"I can be at Remington's about 3:30."
*
"Yea, dollar drafts tonight."
*
"I'm buying. I got a raise today."

Slogans (Socks CIII)

Frank led the way down the hall. Chrisner stopped at an open door. Lar and Rar recognized Randy when he looked up. Christner stuck his hand in the room and raised one finger, Randy chuckled.
The woman in front of Frank's office gave Christner a file folder. Frank said, "Go over these slogans, if you have any ideas, e-mail me before you leave."
Christner stepped into another office on the way back, "Karen, can you look at these slogans?"
Karen opened the folder, and handed it back, "These are mine."
Christner turned to leave.
"So long, Christner."
"You too?"
"Yep."

Slogans (Socks CIII)

Frank led the way down the hall. Chrisner stopped at an open door. Lar and Rar recognized Randy when he looked up. Christner stuck his hand in the room and raised one finger, Randy chuckled.
The woman in front of frank's office gave Christner a file folder. Frank said, "Go over these slogans, if you have any ideas, e-mail me before you leave."
Christner stepped into another office on the way back, "Karen, can you look at these slogans?"
Karen opened the folder, and handed it back, "These are mine."
Christner turned to leave.
"So long, Christner."
"You too?"
"Yep."

Pre-lunch (Socks CII)

"I take great pride in my holding abilities."
"Do you ever let go?"
"Yes, I use my strength to grasp until I need to release."
"Then what?"
"I get put on some more papers to do it again."
"How many times have you done this?"
"At least a dozen."
The knock came at the office door and it opened immediately, it was Frank, "Why's the door closed?"
"Randy closed it earlier."
"When are you taking lunch?"
"About ten minutes."
"I've got something for you, it'll take about an hour. Do that, then take the rest of the day off. Celebrate."

Clip (Socks CI)

"I'm changing his name. He is no longer Rough, from now on we will call him Christner."
"You hate this guy, don't you?"
The new Christner sat at his desk the remainder of the morning making calls, typing, and muttering.
"Those troublemakers better stay out of my way."
A small bent wire bounced off the rim of the waste basket and fell next to Rar, "Hello."
"I've never seen anything like you."
"We keep feet warm."
"Is it fun?"
"Except when the feet stink."
"This bunion is no fun either."
"What are you?"
"I'm a clip, I hold papers together."

Christner Remembered (Socks C)

"You call him Frank?"
"That ok with you?"
"Christner used to call him Frank."
"And?"
"Christner doesn't work here anymore," Randy sang.
"I'm not Christner. I might have a chat with Frank about this."
"Before you do, know that the whole group is ready to let Mr. Petersen know what you did."
"Which was?"
"Karen came up with most of the ideas."
"But I..."
"Bob did the post production."
"You can't..."
"You stole the credit."
"You ungrateful..."
"We're together on this."
Randy open the door, "It's time to sink or swim, Christner."
The closed door heard, "Don't call me Christner."

Can I be Frank? (Socks XCIX)

Rough was at his desk when another man came in the small office, "Heard you got the Essex account."
"Sure did, Randy. You want on the team?"
"No, got a full plate already," Randy shut the door.
"I could use your talent on this."
"I bet you could."
"Come on, we'll tear this one up."
"We?"
"Just like the public service job."
"Do you mean that the team stays in the office and does the work, while you golf with Mr. Petersen?"
"What are you saying?"
"That's the way it worked on the TV seven spots."
"Frank needed a partner."

Call Me Frank (Socks XCVIII)

"Come to think of it, the only job you handled were those public service announcements for channel seven."
"It came out good though."
"That's why I think you can handle it."
"When do I start?"
"Next Monday. Tie up all the loose ends on anything else you have."
"I won't let you down, Mr. Petersen."
"Call me Frank."
"I will."
"Well, you better get busy on those loose ends."
The man said, "Thank you, Sir," shook Frank's hand, and left the office, taking Lar and Rar went with him.
Rar didn't like this man and took to calling him Rough.

Assignment (Socks XCVII)

Mr. Petersen's feet were atop a large desk. Leaning back in a leather chair, a phone to his ear, holding up one finger, he pointed to a chair, nodded, and smiled.
"True. He hasn't headed anything this big, but he can handle it."
*
"Because he's tore up every assignment he's had. I have personally given him every crap job that came in, and he did it with a smile."
*
"Thanks, Sid." Mr. Petersen hung up.
"That was Sid at Essex. You head his next ad campaign."
"I haven't had crap jobs."
"I know, but you swing a mean golf club."

Summoned (Socks XCVI)

The radio came alive, the car moved, stop and go, the horn honked a couple times, and before long the man got out of the car. Lar and Rar had no choice but to tag along.
The man went through a set of glass double doors. There was a woman at a desk just inside.
"Any messages?"
She handed him a slip of paper, "Only one. Mr. Petersen wants you to see you right away."
The man walked down the hall to a different desk, a different woman, "Mr. Petersen wanted to see me?"
"Yes. Go on in, he's waiting."

Commute Calls (Socks XCV)

Soon the boys were in the car, the man driving. His cell phone rang.
"I don't know if I can go to dinner tonight."
*
"Go ahead and make reservations. That way you can be in control of the restaurant."
*
"No. I won't have time to make the reservations."
*
"I don't care. Wait, no chick-flick."
*
"I'm in traffic, gotta go."
The man immediately pushed more buttons.
"Hey man, I might not be able to shoot pool after work."
*
"The old lady wants to go out tonight."
*
"I'll call later, let you know."
He hung up, "Let's go moron, the light's green."

Before Work (Socks XCIV)

One morning the twins left the drawer. Rar got the bunion this time. The man walked around the house, shaving, eating, and drinking coffee.
"What are your doing today?"
"Lunch with Mom."
"Again? Why don't you get a regular job?"
"I can make as much doing call-in."
"You don't have a schedule. It disrupts our life."
"If we make plans, I can refuse."
"You never refuse work."
"Let's do something tonight. I'll take my name off the list."
"Maybe."
"Why don't we go to dinner, and catch a movie?"
"We'll see."
"I'll make reservations."
The man silently left the room.

First Wash (Socks XCIII)

After an evening of drinking, loud music, bad smells, and wetness, the boys ended up on the bedroom floor in the same pile as the other smoky, smelly clothes.
In the morning, Pretty picked them up, "Pew," and put them directly in the washing machine.
They swam around with pants, shirts, and underwear, then tumbled in the warm air of the dryer.
Pretty folded them and took them back to the drawer.
"That was quite an experience."
"I'm figuring out that I like some of these humans. Some I don't."
"Me too. I like Mom and Dad."
"And Pretty Shanks."

Bar Scene (Socks XCII)

Lar and Rar made at least a dozen trips across the room. Under each table would be ankles not as big as the ones they covered. The boys talked to anklets, panty hose, even Croks. The man would stay a short time, then go back next to ASICS.
As the evening went on, they made more trips across the room, but the stays got shorter.
One time while talking with ASICS, a bitter liquid came down on them. Later they bumped into a chair. Once they stood looking at a wall, the man stumbled back, and they got wet again.

At The Bar (Socks XCI)

The shoes covering the twins were black leather, while the running shoes were white with some blue. They claimed to be ASICS. It was on their tongues.
ASICS explained all they knew about footwear, but it was confusing to listen to them. When they talked they would finish each others sentences, they would talk at the same time, and you couldn't tell which one was talking.
Every so often the man would leave the bar, walk across the room and stand for a while near a pair of shoes that were smaller, had high heels, or sandals with painted nails.

To The Bar (Socks XC)

Rar went on first. This foot didn't smell like the Dad's bare feet. Then Lar went on.
"Smell that?"
"How could I not?"
"I hope all feet don't smell like this."
"I got a bunion over here on this one."
"Yuck. Are you getting poked in the toe?"
"Yes. This must be what Dick called nails."
Shoes covered the twins, and off they all went.
They stayed for quite a while, in a place where loud music played. The shoes were propped on a brass pipe between two pair of tennis shoes.
"We're running shoes, those are tennis shoes."
"Sorry."

Rough Actions (Socks LXXXIX)

The man walked into the bathroom. Rar could see his reflection in the mirror brushing his teeth. He dug around in his nose for a few seconds, then put his index finger under the running water. Then he lifted each arm and, in turn, sniffed both hairy armpits. After putting on deodorant he got a shirt from the closet, and farted.
Sitting on the edge of the bed, the man put one bare foot on his knee, and grabbed the twins. Rar hadn't noticed that the man was barefoot, but remembered getting stepped on by bare feet. That was ok.

Rough Hands (Socks LXXXVIII)

Lar and Rar could hear noises outside the drawer. The drawer opened. Rough hands picked them up, inspected them, rubbed each ones toes, as if fumbling. That didn't feel so great.
The man mumbled, "Not bad. Finally, she didn't screw something up."
He tossed the boys on the bed, pulled out his cell, and punched numbers.
"Want to go have a beer?"
*
"No, she works till eleven. She left a note."
He talked for a few more minutes, and put the cell away.
Next he took off his shirt, leaving it a crumpled heap at the foot of the bed.

Late Call (Socks LXXXVII)

Pretty came in the room, "Who was that?"
"Your Dad. He's golfing."
The women were in the kitchen talking when the phone rang.
"Hello."
"Sure. I might be a little late."
Pretty hung up the phone.
"They need someone to come in 3 to 11, and cover in ER."
"I'll go. If I get out of your way you won't be late."
Mom put Sony back in the purse.
The two ladies said their good-byes and Mom left.
"There goes Nick and SONY. I like those guys."
Pretty carried the boys to the bedroom, and shut them in the drawer.

Cell Call (Socks LXXXVI)

"Hi," Mom whispered.
*
"I can't, she might hear."
*
"Yes I am, we just finished lunch."
*
"I played it for her."
*
"Not much, she left the room as soon as it was done."
*
"I think Sarah surprised her."
*
"I've got to hurry, she's in the bathroom."
*
"I said that I wanted her to hear Sarah."
*
"I think so, she looked like she was going to cry."
*
"Well, I told her that I didn't want her to feel bad."
*
"Of course I did, but not too bad."
*
"Right, just bad enough to not doubt me. Ever again."
*
"Got to go, she's coming."

Replay (Socks LXXXV)

"You don't have to play that, I feel bad for doubting you already."
"I'm not trying to make you feel bad. I just want you to hear Sarah."
SONY repeated the scene that had taken place between Mom and Sarah while the women ate their soup.
"Wow, she came right out and admitted it. What will you do with it?"
"Nothing now. Sarah promised to tell the girls."
"And if she..."
"I have the recording."
Pretty took the bowls to the sink, "I have to go to the bathroom."
When Mom was alone she grabbed her cell and punched buttons.

Remorse (Socks LXXXIV)

It was Pretty Shanks. Lar and Rar were glad to see her again. Pretty handled the boys and massaged their scars. That still felt good.
"Looks like new, Mom."
"I don't think he'll be able to tell."
Pretty hugged Mom saying, "I'm sorry that I didn't believe you."
"Don't fret, Sarah fooled everyone."
Pretty set the twins on the counter, and stirred the contents of the pan on the stove. The pan giggled with each swirl of the spoon.
"Hope you don't mind leftover corn chowder."
Bowls were filled and set on the table.
Mom pulled SONY from the purse.

Departing (Socks LXXXIII)

Mom held the nickel between her thumb and forefinger. As the change purse clicked open, Nick wiggled out of the grasp. He jumped between the wallet and the twins, "Hi, boys," and down to the bottom. He had spent some time there and was glad to be back.
"Damn it. I'll get it later."
Mom carried the purse containing SONY, the twins, and Nick out to the car.
Before long The twins were removed, "So long friends, good luck."
"Later, Nick."
Nick knew that objects came and went, most of the time forever. He had warned them of this earlier.

Call (Socks LXXXII)

Mom’s voice was muffled coming from the bedroom, but when she walked past the shelf she could be understood. She was crying when first she came through, but at the last she was smiling and said, “I can be there for lunch. Oh, the mending is done, I’ll bring them.”
“I think she’s talking about you boys, this might be good-bye,” said Nick.
Farewells were passed around as a man on TV yelled, “Come on down.”
Mom opened her purse, and put the Gylegrey brothers in. She picked up SONY muttering, “You need to come along too.”
She grabbed Nick.

Pre-Call (Socks LXXXI)

Dad hugged Mom, “I knew you would pretty soon.”
“I’m still mad.”
“I knew that too.”
“How?”
“You haven’t used your daughter’s name for a week.”
“Why did she believe Sarah?”
“We should have explained the first time.”
“Everyone should know that I wouldn’t steal.”
“I agree. I’ll leave so you can call.”
Dad walked into the bedroom and came out with the trophy, ”I’ll carry this in the golf cart.“
“Why?”
“I beat Fred by two pins for this. He buys the beer today.” Dad headed for the door.
Mom punched buttons on the cordless, and left the room.

It’s Ten (Socks LXXX)

By now the laughter had settled.
“I can’t hear it now, myself.”
Mom and Dad looked at each other without speaking.
Seth Thomas sang out ten times.
“Are we going to stare at each other all day?”
Dad weighed his options. “I have a noon tee time; you‘re naked.”
“Go get dressed.”
Dad turned toward the bedroom, Mom pulled his boxers to his knees.
Dad chuckled, Mom whistled, and the boxers said, “Wee.”
Dad held the trophy, and hoisted his grundys one handed.
The humans, clothed, came into the room.
Mom picked the twins from the shelf, “I’ll call today.”

Formal Talks (Socks LXXIX)

“Looks like I ended up on the floor that time.”
“You have relieved us of that tiresome trophy at the very least, lads,” said the book.
“I like when you talk formal,” said the coin.
“Explain yourself, Nick.”
“Sometimes you talk formal.”
“I do not believe my speech is in a formal manor.”
There was a pause while all the objects looked one to another, then all burst into laughter. Dick laughed so hard he snorted.
“Listen Dad, the noise is back.”
Dad looked around, still holding the trophy.
After about a minute he said, “I don’t hear a thing.”

It’s Time (Socks LXXVIII)

Rar had been clipped, sewed, folded, and stuffed in a purse, but being stepped on by bare feet felt pretty good.
Dad picked him up and folded him together with his brother.
He showed the twins to Mom, “You know, it’s been more than a week.”
“Tomorrow, I promise.”
“You said that two days ago.”
“This time I mean it.”
“Your daughter called to talk to you yesterday.”
“My daughter? She’s yours too.”
“Yea, but I’ve talked to her every day this week.”
“I’m still mad at her.”
“She called to apologize.”
Dad put the boys back on the shelf.

Another Try (Socks LXXVII)

“Hang on, Rar.”
“Let go of me, scoundrel.”
Lar hugged Two, but Rar fell to the carpet. Dad’s bare feet stepped on him.
“This trophy was about to fall again.”
“Did you hear me? I said the noise stopped.”
“I heard you, but I didn’t hear any noise.”
“Maybe you should get your hearing checked.”
“I’m not the one hearing noises.”
“Very funny.”
Dick was eavesdropping. “She’s listening, We can get her attention now.” He had learned form the last time, he simply shouted and every object one the shelf joined in. Without Lar and Rar, they weren’t loud enough.

Two On One (Socks LXXVI)

Both boys were deep into the fray.
"Two against one, no damn fair," the trophy declared.
"Looks like two against Two," Nick joked.
Rar became weak with laughter. Two gained the upper hand.
The twins rallied, and before Dr. Phil ended, Two was on the verge.
Every object on the shelf started cheering.
"Push boys."
"Don't let 'em get away."
Even the lamp wanted Two expelled, and voiced her opinion loudly.
Mom turned the TV down. "Dad, come listen."
Dad walked in, stood, listened, spotted the trophy, and grabbed him, pulling the twins from the shelf.
“Crap, the noise stopped.”

Struggle (Socks LXXV)

Again, Rar had slipped behind Two, pushing.
"You won't shove me off this time, you lint specked lout."
"Sure about that? You're almost at the edge."
Rar thrust with his toe. Two twisted left. Rar drove his heel into the trophy's base, pushing him closer to the brink.
The fight lasted through Good Morning America. The humans passed the shelf several times, but didn't notice the struggle.
Two was strong. Rar was loosing his grip. Two spun to the right, away from Rar, only to run into Lar.
The abrupt stop put Two off balance. Now Lar began to push.

Aesthetic Debate (Socks LXXIV)

The underwear discussion continued. Although Dick had never actually seen corsets, girdles, or bustles, he taught the others about these and more.
Nick didn't understand why would humans want to be round up top and in the rear, "Flat, and Round in the middle is the best look."
"Big on one end is better," the bulb claimed.
"That look is ok, but without the rusty base," the lamp added.
"Silver and slim," said SONY.
"Knowledge is more important than looks," Dick declared.
Two had feigned indifference during the conversation, gazing out into the room. He felt something at his back.

Morning View (Socks LXXIII)

Mom was watching the morning news, Dad stood in the bedroom doorway, watching her.
"I like seeing you like this, but we should get dressed."
"I'll be right there."
Dad ducked into the bedroom, and came back out in his boxers. As he walked around the house, getting coffee, stopping to watch TV, and brushing his teeth, the boxers were singing. The humans didn't listen.
Dick explained that most boxers liked to move around uncovered.
Nick had talked to underwear while in pockets, and said that other styles had similar likes.
"As a rule, panties like it too." Nick added.

Contention (Socks LXXII)

"Let's go on two. In honor of old second place," Rar chided.
"No. Thirty seven, that's how many hours I record."
"How about sixty. I'm a sixty watt."
"We should use three," said the three way lamp.
"How about a million? I have about that many words in me," Dick asked sarcastically.
Mom stood in the middle of the room. not moving. Her head turning slowly side to side.
The argument continued until Mom gave up and turned the TV on.
Dick was frustrated.
"If we had yelled on three, she might have listened."
"Sixty."
"Two."
The controversy started again.

Craving Attention (Socks LXXI)

"Listen," Mom said.
"She's listening," Dick said.
"Try again."
"Hello."
Mom just stood still, quietly looking around the room.
"Hey."
Each object, in turn, tried to get Mom's attention.
"Over here."
The lamp spoke up, "Bring Verde back, please."
Mom slowly moved about the room, stepping as lightly as possible, stopping frequently and looking around.
"Listen to me, you fixed my toe."
"Listen to me. I'm a winner."
"Listen to me, I'm worth five."
"Let's work together. She listened when we all laughed or cheered," said Dick.
"Everybody yell, on three. Ready?
"Why can't we go on five?" Nick asked.

In The Buff (Socks LXX)

"Humans would never listen to you losers."
"So, they would listen to you?"
Two pretended to ignore the question.
Light came through the curtains, and the humans carried their plates into the kitchen.
Lar had never seen humans without clothes.
"It's called naked." Dick explained. He had seen this occurrence occasionally throughout his years on the shelf. Usually early in the morning.
"Maybe you can talk to Dad," Rar said to Two.
Two snubbed Rar, but when the humans came through the room, Two yelled "Hey."
Dad breezed past.
The others laughed.
Mom stopped walking, and turned toward the shelf.

Hark (Socks LXIX)

Dick stopped laughing. "Mom is listening to us."
"So?"
"Remember when she found Libbey? She didn't listen then."
"When Mom fixed my toe, she said, "You look good now," then rubbed the sore spot."
"She talked to me when she sewed my heel, too."
"Dad talked to me when he put me up here with you guys," Nick added.
"Humans talk to objects quite often," Dick said, "but seldom listen."
"They listen to me all the time," SONY said.
"Not the same thing."
"What does this mean?"
"It means you're all lowlifes."
"Lowlife is synonymous with troublemaker, that fits you."

Two Returns (Socks LXVIII)

Dad carried one plate of eggs, bacon, and toast through the room. On the way back from the bedroom he set the trophy back on the shelf. He grabbed another plate of food and headed to the bedroom.
"I'm gonna keep an eye on you this time, fuzzy."
"You should. I get the chance, I'll shove you off again."
"Rar, ignore Two. He's got the disposition of a dime," Nick said.
"Disposition? That's a big word, Nick. You've been listening to Dick."
"Sure have. He's smart. Smart enough to like Oprah."
Everybody laughed, except Two.
"Dad, listen."
"Listen to what?"

Cheering Things (Socks LXVII)

Mom was sitting up in the bed when Dad put Two in her hands.
"Second place. Not bad."
"Thanks."
"723. Is that pins or beers?"
"Neither; barmaids."
"You wish."
"Tell you what Mom, you stay here, I'll make us breakfast in bed."
"If your not too tired from all those barmaids."
"I have a little energy left."
As Dad walked into the kitchen, the humans talked louder.
"Scrambled eggs ok?"
"Just right. What do you plan to do with this trophy?"
"I think I'll put it on the bookcase downstairs in the rec room."
"I just heard that applause again."

Hearing Things (Socks LXVI)

Thump.
"What was that?"
"I'll go check it out."
Dad touched the lamp and the bulb sprang into action. "My bowling trophy fell off the shelf."
"I heard applause."
"All I heard was a bump. Maybe your clock-radio is on."
Dad picked Two from the floor and set him on the shelf.
"The radio's off. Bring that trophy in here, I want to see it again."
Dad grabbed Two and started for the bedroom.
"There it goes again"
"What?"
"I heard applause again."
"You must be hearing things," Dad muttered.
"I heard that."
"You always do."
The lights went out.

Eviction (Socks LXV)

Who did these jokers think they were? Two ran with winners. Two was a winner.
"You're all losers. At lest I got second place. You got no place."
"We were getting along quite well, before you got here," Dick said.
"Wasn't my idea to hang out with you lowlifes."
While Two was bickering with Dick, Rar got behind him and pushed. Two was heavier, stronger, but slower. He tried to get out of the way. Rar had the jump on him.
Rar pushed throughout the night. Just before daybreak, Two lost his balance, tumbling from the shelf.
Cheers went up.

Two (Socks LXIV)

"Bingo genius, I'm a trophy. How'd ya guess?"
"I didn't guess."
"OK wise guy, what is it that I do?"
"You are a token or remembrance of success."
"Think you're pretty smart, don't ya?"
"He is smart," Nick claimed.
"Butt out. Who asked for your two cents?"
"Five."
"What're you talking about?"
"I'm worth five. What are you worth?"
"A lot. Man, I only hang with the best."
"Looks like you hang with second best," Rar piped in.
Everyone laughed except the trophy, and SONY repeated the conversation.
Dick said, "We should call him Two."
The whole business irritated Two.

Dad's Prize (Socks LXIII)

Lar, Rar, Sony, Nick, and Dick remained on the shelf together. Day and night went by several times. They would watch TV or talk to the other objects in the room. Most objects in the room couldn't be heard over the noise of the TV.
One evening Dad came in, singing, and set something on the shelf. Dick had a good view and read it.
"ALL-CITY SENIOR LEAGUE. 2ND PLACE SERIES. 723. Dick said with a deep voice.
“Why did you make your voice funny?”
“That’s the way it’s written. All bold letters.”
“What is it?”
“A trophy," Dick said."

A Libbey Sighting (Socks LXII)

With daylight came the humans, and the TV, stopping the conversation. Nick was glad. The lamp had dominated the room, yakking about her favorite bulb. At least she was more courteous.
Dad brought two steaming cups into the room. Mom stirred, Libbey laughed. Mom handed the spoon to Dad. Dad stirred, Libbey laughed. Then Mom and Dad laughed. Libbey sure enjoyed her job, but why were the humans laughing?
Mom picked up Lar and Rar. "I've got to take these home, but.....she believed Sarah."
"She'll come around, we have the recording."
"Maybe tomorrow."
Mom set the twins on the shelf.

Bulb Talk (Socks LXI)

"Well, your base is a little bit tarnished," the lamp confessed.
"Wait, I remember a green bulb. I sat next to him," the bulb said
"Really? Tell me, how was he?"
"Fine. His accent was hard to understand at first."
"I know. Did he tell you about his home?"
"Yes, he said it was hot there. He called it Caliente."
"I love his voice. I miss him so much."
"Did you know that green means innocent?" Dick said.
"I hope he comes back soon."
"Maybe for the next party."
"Party?"
"Right, when humans get together for fun."
"Verde is fun."

Dick Butts In (Socks LX)

Dick had heard enough, "You didn't like the last bulb either."
"What do you know?"
"The only bulb you ever liked was that green one mom gave you."
"Verde was nice."
"It was so romantic. A room full of humans, music, laughing. Then Seth Thomas rang twelve times and the humans were kissing. "
"I remember. We were having fun."
"I heard you two laughing together."
"So?"
"So, you've been a witch to every bulb since."
"He never even burned out, just got taken away."
"Not our fault."
"So that's it. Tell me the truth. Is my base really rusty?

Spectators (Socks LIX)

"My last bulb was brighter than you."
"We've been through this, I'm a 60 watt."
Rar hollered up to Nick, "Are you listening to this?"
"Yea. We've heard a lot of squabbles today."
"Some real doozeys."
"Again with the talking. I'm trying to listen."
"Who was that?"
"That was Dick. He likes Oprah."
"I don't like..."
"Relax, it's just a joke. By the way, Rar, Lar, this is Dick and SONY."
Neither bulb nor lamp paid attention to the others, and the spat continued.
"You have a burr on your base that irritates me."
"The good news-I'm a Long Life."

A Light Disagreement (Socks LVIII)

The TV went dark and as the humans left the room, the lights went out.
With the noise of the TV gone the twins could hear a few objects around the room talking.
"You are the most obnoxious bulb I have ever worked with. Your base is corroding and your too hot.
"Well you're stuck with me."
"I'll be here long after you have burned out."
"Until then, I'll take pleasure in your discomfort."
"If you would be just a little more agreeable..."
"Well, I'm not."
"I like it when a bulb does the job without all the chatter."
"Tough."

Libbey's Bath(Socks LVII)

Lar and Rar were still where mom had placed them, on the arm of the couch, when Dad came back. The boys could hear Nick, Libbey and a couple other voices coming from the shelf.
The twins watched as Dad carried Libbey away. Libbey's giggles lofted into the room. Surely she was getting a bath.
As night fell the boys, Mom, and Dad stayed on the couch and watched a bald guy making people open briefcases. Some of the cases were hollering, "Pick me. Pick me." Mom and Dad didn't seem to notice.
"Lar, I hope we see Libbey again."

Libbey finds a home (Socks LVI)

"Dad? That was quick."
"Sarah couldn't wait to get out of the car."
"Do you think she'll keep the bargain?"
"Well Mom, we have the recording."
"Look on the shelf, see what I found in my purse."
"Nice spoon."
"It must have got stuck in the bottom of my purse."
"It says Libbey Freedom."
"What should we do with it?"
"Let's keep it."
"It? I'm a her." Dad didn't hear.
"I think it's already my favorite spoon."
Dad carried Libbey to the kitchen, bathed her, and placed her in the drawer.
She liked being the prettiest spoon in the drawer.

Reunion (Socks LV)

Only a few hours had passed since the purse had slid across the room, yet Nick and Libbey were happy to be together. Introductions were done all-around.
"Dick is the smartest animate I've ever met."
"Lar said you were the wisest."
"Dear lady, the definition of smart is having knowledge. Wise is the application of knowledge that comes from experience."
"Nick, he is smart."
Dick told Libbey different definitions for her last name, Freedom.
For the next hour SONY taught the others how to repeat, Nick recounted stories, and Dick shared more of his knowledge.
Footsteps were in the kitchen.

Cleaning The Purse (Socks LIV)

Mom, Dad, and Sarah came back into the living room talking. With some persuasion Sarah reluctantly accepted Dad's offer of a ride home.
They left. Mom went to the bedroom and came back with the purse.
Setting the purse on the couch, she took things out and began to organize them. The checkbook, keys, Lar, Rar, the wallet, and finally Libbey.
"Well look at this." Mom held the spoon.
"Where's Nick?"
Mom didn't hear Libbey.
"Maybe I'll keep you as a memento."
"Are you listening?"
No, Mom wasn't listening.
Mom set Libbey on the shelf. "Wait till Dad sees you."

More Playback (Socks LIII)

Sony then repeated a noise that was part word, part grunt and part growl. Also in the background Mom was laughing, calling Dad a stooge.
"Let me give you a ride Sarah."
"I wouldn't ride with you..."
"Aw come on, we've known each other for years."
"Yea, I know. You just want her name cleared."
Sarah's voice got smaller and smaller until SONY repeated a clunk.
"That's all I heard fellas."
Nick was amazed that Sony could repeat so perfectly.
"I do my best repeating when my red button gets pushed and I can remember for a long time too."

Plea Bargain (Socks LII)

Nick exclaimed, "This is as good as Oprah.
Dick shushed him. "I'm trying to listen to SONY."
"I thought you didn't like Oprah."
"This, is not Oprah."
"Dick likes Oprah, Dick likes Oprah."
SONY stopped repeating during the quarrel. "May I continue?"
"OK, I'll never sit next to you."
"What about the manager?"
"I'll talk to him, but I'm saying that I was just trying to play a joke on you."
"Whatever...so long as he knows that I'm not a thief. Dad I think we're done. Would you drive Sarah home now?"
"Just call me a taxi."
"Ok. You're a...."

Playback (Socks LI)

Dick, Nick, and the recorder were on the shelf talking when Dad came in and grabbed the recorder. "I'll play it back for you, Sarah," and left the room.
Soon Dad walked back in and put the recorder next to Nick.
Dick now had a different view. "SONY."
"Yes?"
"Just reading."
SONY started repeating the human's conversation to Nick and Dick.
"Listen to this Sarah." Click.
"Want to hear it? I put silverware in your purse. And," Click.
"Need to hear more?"
"No."
"Then you'll tell the girls that I'm innocent?"
"Yes."
"And you'll never sit next to me again!"

Echo (Socks L)

"Dad, you're such a pistol."
"Maybe that's why Sarah called me a son-of-a-gun."
"Sarah, I'll make some coffee. We'll talk."
"What choice do I have?"
Dad set the recorder on the shelf. The three humans left the room.
"My name's Nick. What are you worth?"
"My name's Nick. What are you worth?"
"What?"
"What?"
"Stop that."
"Stop...Sorry, I was repeating."
"What are you talking about."
"I hear sounds and repeat them."
"Why?"
"It's fun. You should try it."
"It's fun, you should try it."
"Not a bad first attempt."
"Hey Dick, repeat after me. I'm a boring book."
"Very Funny."

Clandestine (Socks XLIX)

Dad walked into the room.
"You son-of-a..."
"Sorry Sarah. Had to do it."
"You tricked me!"
"And you set me up. I could be in jail right now."
"You should be."
"My name was in the papers. Nobody believed me."
"I believed you, Mom"
"Well, nobody else will. It's your word against mine."
Dad held up a small digital recorder. "Sarah, this will go no further, unless you make a stink."
"A couple of real snakes."
"Listen to the pot."
"What do you want?"
"Clear Mom's name with the girls and the restaurant."
"If I don't?"
"I have the recording."

Confession (Socks XLVIII)

The laughter subsided.
"Well girls, where do we go from here?"
"Sarah should admit to putting silverware in my purse."
"I will not."
"I'm going back to the garage. You two make up."
"Make up implies that we were once friends."
"If you didn't want to work things out, why did you agree to come?"
"I wanted to hear her admit who she slept with."
"I admit it Sarah, your turn."
Silence.
"I'll be in the garage."
A door shuts.
"Want to hear it? I put silverware in your purse. And, I'd do it again."
Footsteps were in the kitchen.

Dick's Wisdom (Socks XLVII)

Dick's wisdom: an incomplete list.
1. In addition to humans there are animals and plants.
1a. Humans are animals. (Confusing.)
1b. Most plants can respond, but choose not to.
1c. Some animals respond.
2. All others are objects. (Two categories.)
2a. Animates. ( Talkers.)
2b. Inanimates. (Mutes.)
3. Objects hear humans.
3a. Humans seldom listen to objects.
4. Objects move slowly. (Compared to animals.)
4a. Humans misunderstand when objects move or talk.(A picture leaping from a wall, a chair creaking, lost keys.)
4b. Some malicious objects try to injure others. (A brick once jumped on a man's head, killing him.)

Detente (Socks XLVI)

Nick and Dick heard the laughter.
Now Nick was really confused. "Why are they laughing? Aren't they fighting?"
"Let's see. One can laugh for amusement or contempt."
"Which is it?"
"Who knows. I don't always understand humans."
"Humans?"
"Correct. That is what they are called as a group."
The lesson continued. "Dad is a man, the other two are called women."
"Why did Dad call them girls."
Dick went on to explain that and many other uncertainties that Nick had.
Nick was amazed at Dick's knowledge. Maybe Nick had misjudged. The book was not a pompous windbag, just slightly stuffy.

Out In the Open (Socks XLV)

Conversation continued on the couch and the shelf.
"Dick, why did she get called a rounder?"
"She must have ran the bases a lot."
"What's loose?"
"It means not fastened. I don't get it."
Dad stuck his head in.
"How are you girls doing?"
"Sarah confessed to putting silverware in my purse."
"When?"
"Just now."
"I remember your confession."
"He already knows who I slept with."
"Is she talking about the peace rally?"
"Yep."
"Sarah, Mom and I got no secrets."
"Besides, he wasn't that good. It was over in ten seconds."
Sarah laughed but looked at Mom with daggers.

Discourse (Socks XLIV)

Dick and Nick discussed the happenings in the living room.
"What's a Klepto?"
"The only reference I find is kleptomania, the urge to steal."
"This is great, just like WWF."
"I find this petty bickering pedestrian."
"You've used that word before, what is it?"
"Dull and ordinary, resembling this conversation."
"You don't have to be mean."
"My apologies, I'm afraid my social skills are atrocious."
"What?"
"I purport that very little company visits up here therefore I forget how to interact."
"How do you pass the time?"
"Mostly recalling the words I have inside myself."
"And you called me dull?"

Top Shelf (Socks XLIII)

Nick watched from the shelf. "This is better than Oprah."
"Oprah is pedestrian."
"What? Why would you say that?"
"Her topics are mundane."
"She covers important topics."
"She covers Hollywood."
"What about her book club?"
"Pulp."
"What makes you the expert?"
"I am the king of books."
"Oh yea, what are you worth?"
"I'm priceless. Inside me is every word in the English language, it's definition, plus it's synonyms and antonyms. I am Dick Shawn Aries."
Nick looked the large book up and down thinking, "Maybe I could learn some more words from this pretentious bastard. Who has three names?"

Piece Talks (Socks XLII)

"Do the others want me out?"
"Doesn't matter, I want you out."
"I'll tell them what you did."
"They won't believe a klepto."
"What did I ever do to you?"
"You only slept with my husband."
"Where did you get that idea?"
"Admit it."
"We were in college, he wasn't your husband."
"He was my boyfriend!"
"It was the sixties."
"And?"
"One time."
"Keep talking, Klepto."
"After a peace rally."
"I guess you got a piece, huh?"
"I hardly knew you."
"What difference does that make!?"
"You were a rounder yourself back then, Sarah."
"Not near as much as you."

Peace Talks (Socks XLI)

"Please hear Sarah out."
"I'm listening."
"The girls feel bad about what happened."
"Then why didn't you defend me?"
"This wasn't your first offence ..."
"I know. I did rehab."
"Who's fault is that?"
"The judge gave me probation."
"I'll talk to the manager, see if you can come back."
"You ladies don't need me. I'll be in the garage."
A door shuts.
"You put silverware in my purse, didn't you?"
"But you..."
"That's the second time you set me up."
"Wait a minute."
"I wasn't sure it was you the first time. Why?"
"You don't deserve a red hat."

Camp David (Socks XL)

Mom and Dad came back in the room.
"Oh. It's you."
"I brought Sarah so you two could talk."
"Give those to me."
Mom snatched the boys out of Sarah's hand, grabbed the purse, and left the room.
"Come back and hear Sarah out."
Silence.
"What's this?" Dad reached down, picked up Nick, and put him on the bookshelf.
"My purse is in a safe place now. Go ahead, say your peace."
"I'm sorry you can't come back to the restaurant. We can go to a different place."
"I'm not sure I want to. Maybe I should find new friends."

Dad Returns (Socks XXXIX)

Nick scooted away. "Crazy chick."
Inside the purse, until it stopped, the beeping was not loud, nevertheless annoying.
"Boys, what was that noise?"
"Don't know. Nick was talking to someone, but I couldn't make it out."
Libbey entertained the Gylegreys telling of the different things that she had carried to the mouth.
Footsteps were in the kitchen.
"Mom! No wonder we couldn't get through." Dad hung up the phone.
"Mom, where are you? I brought someone home. Wait here."
Dad left the room, voices could be heard. One of the ladies from the restaurant took the twins from the purse.

Tinnitus (Socks XXXVIII)

"Tell me something and I will tell someone else what you said."
"What are you?"
"I'm a phone."
"And you can't keep a secret?"
"No silly, I pass on only what you want me to."
"To who?"
"Your friend."
"Let me get this straight. I tell a phone and you tell a friend?"
"Right. Tell me something"
"I'm here under the couch."
"Who do you want me to tell?"
"Libbey."
"What's her number?"
"What?"
"I have to have her numb......If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and dial again."
"What? Are you nuts?"
"Beep, beep, beep, beep..."

Phone Abuse (Socks XXXVII)

Nick could see the strap of the purse hanging over the edge of the couch. His friends were in there.
"Hey! Down here!"
They couldn't hear Nick over Mom's phone conversation. Mom was getting loud.
Mom slammed the handset down. It fell off the hook and hung by it's curly cord.
"Ouch. Damn it, that hurts."
Mom didn't hear, she was heading for the bedroom, crying.
"You alright?"
"Yea, nothing broken."
"How much you worth?"
"What are you talking about?"
"I'm worth five."
"You want me to relay a message for you?"
"What?"
"That's what I do. I convey words."

Accusation (Socks XXXVI)

"Sorry, I forgot to call. "
*
"Your dad is so great, I should have known he'd call you."
*
"Right, they asked me not to come back."
*
"No, I didn't."
*
"You sound like those bitches."
*
"It was Sarah. I shouldn't have sat next.."
*
"Who called who?"
*
"Before you called me?"
*
"Well, what was her story?"
*
"Sarah is a F-----g liar."
*
"I'll talk any way I please, I'm mad."
*
"No, I didn't get caught. Sarah set me up."
*
"I knew going to lunch with them was a mistake."
*
"You think what??"
*
"My own daughter!"
*
"I've got to go!"
*
"I'm hanging up now!!"

Nick Gets Lost (Socks XXXV)

Dad left the room, a door shut.
"Libbey?"
"Boys! Where's Nick?"
"Under the couch, last I saw."
Looking through the legs of the coffee table to see the TV, Nick hoped to see Oprah. A court show was on now. The people kept talking over each other. Nick could make no sense of their conversation. He was glad objects weren't as rude as people. Except dimes, those condescending bigots.
A broken, mute, potato chip was the only object under here, Nick had to get back to the purse. He scooted just past the edge of the couch.
The phone rang.

Change of Plans (Socks XXXIV)

Dad set the purse on the couch and started replacing the strewn contents. Lipstick, a compact, a hairbrush. He picked five pieces of silverware from the floor, holding them in the light of the front window.
"Mom, we have to do something about this."
Libbey was wedged in the bottom of the purse. The wallet now covered her. She was alone.
"I'll return these to the restaurant, and explain to the manager."
"Thanks Dad."
Dad held the Gylegreys out. "What should I do with these?"
"Put them in my purse. I was going to drop them off after lunch, but..."

Deception (Socks XXXIII)

The purse was moving, swinging. Mom kept drawing white tissues out. The purse was flying, slamming to a stop. There was a roar and a squeal. The purse was thrown off the seat, picked up, swinging fast again, flying, then finally stopped, crashing in front of the TV. The twins, the wallet, the silverware, Nick, and most of the stuff in the purse scattered from the doorway to the easy chair. Mom, cussing, kicked the wallet. The wallet bumped Nick. Nick slid under the couch.
Dad came down the hall. "What's wrong."
"That bitch Sarah. She set me up again."

Search Me (Socks XXXII)

"Ma'am, would you come with me, please."
"Why?"
"I need to talk with you."
"I don't think so."
Rar was put back in the purse, the wallet over him.
"You can talk here."
"I didn't want to do this here, but may I look in your purse, Ma'am?"
"I don't think you need to look in my purse."
"The waiter says my silverware in your purse."
"What are you saying?"
"Ma'am, let's not have a scene."
"I don't like your tone, young man. I didn't steal your silverware."
"Ma'am, your meal is free this time, but please, don't come back."

Telltale Fork (Socks XXXI)

Rar grabbed one of the forks in a frantic effort to stay in the purse. Mom pulled the wallet, Rar, and the fork into the air.
Rar could see the purse still on the floor next to the table. He let the fork fall back in the purse, it clanked against the other silverware.
"What was that noise?"
"I don't know."
"It sounded like silverware to me."
"I didn't hear anything."
"Did you put the silverware in your purse again?"
"Do you want to get us banned from this place too?"
"If you biddies don't believe me, check my purse."

Libbey (Socks XXX)

Lar stepped in thinking there was going to be trouble.
"Don't worry, me and this old fart were just kidding. Having fun."
"Who you calling old? I'd flat wear you out."
"Nickel, please."
All four burst into laughter.
When the ruckus died down Libbey told of her experiences. Coffee, soup, and pudding.
Clam chowder and a hot bath afterwards was her favorite.
Nick recalled some of the food that he had helped trade for.
The Gylgreys showed Libbey their wounds. She was very impressed just as Nick had predicted.
The purse moved and the wallet left pulling Rar with it.

Jocularity (Socks XXIX)

"Who's this pretty little thing?"
"Nick, this is Libbey. Libbey, this is old enough to be your grandpa."
"Take it easy, I was just being friendly."
"Don't bother asking, I have no idea what I'm worth."
"I like you, you have spunk. Where you from?"
"Don't know."
"Say's China back here. You don't look Asian."
"Don't be lookin' back there! Eyes front, Nick."
"What did I tell ya, boys. This one has metal. "
The twins watched the exchange between the other two.
"Libbey, lets you and me rub together, make some sparks"
"I would rub that 1973 right off."

Name That Spoon (Socks XXVIII)

"Hi. I'm Lar this is Rar. What's your name?"
All was silent.
"Hi? I didn't know I could do that," said a spoon.
"You mean talk?"
"Yea, talk. Talk. I think I like to talk."
"So?"
"So what?"
"What's your name?"
I don't know. Do I need one?"
"Let's give her a name, Lar."
"OK. Turn around, let's have a look."
"Read this, Lar."
"Libbey Freedom."
"That's your name. Libbey. Libbey Freedom."
"Right. Call me Ms Freedom. No, call me Libbey."
"Well Libbey, you need an education."
"Come with us, Lib."
"Be ready, Nick's gonna ask you what you're worth."

Family Skeleton (Socks XXVII)

The brothers and the coin talked and laughed all morning. They could tell that the purse had been moving.
Mom removed the Gylgreys from the purse.
"See you latter, Nick."
"Hope so boys."
They were at a round table with a half dozen women, all had gray hair, like Mom.
The twins were passed around the table, each woman massaged and inspected the recovering injuries.
"Perfect."
"Good as new."
"Flawless."
Lar and Rar loved the attention and the petting. When they got back to the purse some new occupants had come to visit. Two knives, two forks, and two spoons.

More Of Nick (Socks XXVI)

"Pleased to meet you, Rar."
Nick was glad to see Lar, glad to have an audience for his wisdom.
Lar warned Nick on the hazards of mice.
Rar told about Oprah.
Nick liked Oprah. He had been in a pocket when he and four other coins made their escape. They had remained under the cushions for a month. Nick worked his way to the front partly to get a peek at Oprah. Mostly to get away from the only other talker in the couch, a dime.
Upon inspection of the healing wounds, Nick pronounced the twins lucky.
"Chicks dig scars."

Back To Health (Socks XXV)

The boys turned their backs to one another. They woke to some guy talking about weather and one hundred year old people.
Mom picked up Lar and looked at his heal. When she set him back down the twins were face to face.
"Hi."
"Hi."
"Sleep good?"
"Yea. You?"
"Didn't mean it, bro."
"Me neither."
After breakfast Mom and Dad sat on the couch. Mom darned Lar's heal, heedless of Lar's moans. "How's that feel?"
"Great, words can't describe."
Mom massaged Lar's stitches and put the pair back in the purse.
"Come on down, I want you to meet Nick."

A Tiff (Socks XXIV)

The twins hung out on the couch talking way past midnight. Lar was resolved to not complain about his heel.
Lar told of his near escape.
Rar told about Oprah.
Lar wondered how Nick would have handled the mouse.
Rar said how good it was to see his brother again.
Lar recounted the tales of Nick.
Rar talked concerning Mom's "stories."
Lar relayed Nick's wisdom.
Rar reported on Mom's stitching skills.
Lar chronicled Nick's adventures.
Rar spilled the beans about Mom and Dad on the couch.
Lar hoped to see Nick again.
"Is Nick your total conversation?"
"Is Mom yours?"

Forced Empathy (Socks XXIII)

Dad drew a glass of water and noticed that Lar had been moved. He picked him up, seeing the bite mark on his heel and the black rice kernels next to the toaster.
He rummaged in a drawer and set a trap.
"Mom, you've got more mending to do. Those damn mice are back."
"Not again."
Lar got put on the couch next to Rar .
"Sorry that I ditched you when your toe was hurtin', Rar."
"That's alright, Bro. How's the heel?"
"Hurts. Like a son-of a-bitch."
"Mom will fix you, she's good. Look at my toe, it feels great."

Close Call (Socks XXII)

When night fell Rar was still on the couch. On the TV people sang, a guy told them that they shouldn't.
When the house got quiet a mouse with a very fat belly came from behind the refrigerator. Sniffing across the counter eating crumbs, she crawled down inside the toaster. Lar could hear nibbling.
When the mouse came out she chewed on a bread wrapper until she spotted Lar. She dashed over to Lar and sniffed his heel. Grabbing Lar with her teeth, she pulled him toward the back of the refrigerator. She dropped Lar when the light came on.

P.M. Delight (Socks XXI)

Rar stayed in the living room while Mom watched Oprah.
A pair of calloused furrowed hands, Dad's, held Rar, rubbing his tender spot. He put Rar on the back of the couch.
Dad put his calloused hands on Mom's shoulders, kneading.
"Ooh, Aah."
A shirt settled atop Rar, blocking his view. He could hear noises. Smacking, slurping, giggling. The couch was moving. What the hell was going on out there.
The shirt was removed from Rar.
Mom's hair was down on one side and she was laughing.
She told Dad that he still had it.
Rar wanted to see it.

On The Mend (Socks XX)

"Ever see Doc again? "
"Nope, but that's the way things work."
Lar and Nick talked all night and into the morning.
Lar learned new words. Purse, wallet, license, and keys just to name a few.
A slightly wrinkled version of the nice lady's hands clipped the excess string from Lar's toe and put him on the counter.
Mom took Rar to the living room turning on Guiding Light. With needle and thread she deftly repaired Rar's toe. Stitching and pulling and tying, it all felt so good to Rar.
The pain nearly gone, he knew he would be healed.

Rescue (Socks XIX)

When water poured in, Doc would float around, laughing and howling, settling in a different place.
One day a white sphere with red stitching bounded in and startled Nick. Next to come in was a long thin arm. The hand felt around, snatched Doc, and pulled him out. The hand came back, grabbed Nick, then finally the sphere.
Nick got put in a pocket with some dimes.
This made Lar laugh.
"What's so funny?"
"Dimes? You hate dimes."
"I got traded for a candy bar right away."
"What's the point?"
"The point is Lar, be careful if you play Hedzurtales."

A Doc In The House (Socks XVIII)

Clunk.
Nick landed on a metal cylinder.
"Ouch."
"Sorry mister."
"That's Doctor, Doctor Pepper."
"Pleased to meet ya, Doc. I'm Nick Cole. How much you worth?" That was the first questions Nick asked anyone that would talk.
"Ten cents, five some places, and nothing other places."
Nick felt baffled , he was always worth five.
Nick tried talking to a shoe and a bottle cap, like most items they were both mute.
Once a smoldering tube dropped in. She talked until her red glow went out. Doc checked her, nothing could be done. They said a prayer for her soul.

Acrobatics (Socks XVII)

Nick liked to play a game called Hedzurtales. He would spin through the air so fast he would get dizzy, involuntary pinging. He tried to imitate the sound, but it wasn't very loud. Then he would land in a palm and quickly move to the back of a hand.
Sometimes he would end up in a different pocket after the game.
Once while playing Hedzurtales, houses going by on one side, cars on the other, Nick hit the thumb instead of the palm. Nick went flying, bouncing. He landed on a piece of metal, falling through one of the holes.

Trading (Socks XVI)

Nick had been lots of places. Bunches of times he had slid down a tunnel, falling into a pile of coins. Immediately, he would hear bumping noises nearby. Nick had the feeling that he had been traded for something. Nick said that Lar couldn't fit through the slot to the tunnel.
Nick got dropped in a tin cup once. Lar thought that sounded fun.
Nick's favorite thing was when a wrinkled hand would place him into a youthful, chubby hand. When that happened, he would be gripped tightly and directly traded for bubble gum.
"That would be cool," Lar said.

The Philosopher (Socks XV)

Much wisdom was gleaned from Nick, man of the world, round flat sage.
According to Nick:
1. Pennies are humble and useful. One can trade them for thoughts, a great value indeed.
2. Quarters, worth 25, never look down on the other coins.
3. Dimes are an enormous pain-in-the-ass.
3a. Being smaller, with a Napoleon Complex they constantly remind nickels of the
value difference.
3b. Dimes are bigots. They scorn pennies because of their color difference.
4. A now rare coin depicts a woman carrying something, Nick thought she carried a sack of
joe- we-ahs.
He didn't know any Bills personally.

A New Friend (Socks XIV)

The boys were folded and slid into a big leather pouch.
Lar worked his way to the bottom of the pouch trying to get away, Rar kept bitching about his toe.
Down there in the dark he met Nick Cole, an intelligent, gregarious fellow with stories.
Nick claimed to have been in circulation since 1973, whatever that meant. He professed to have a value of five, and could be traded for stuff. Lately he need more and more help to get the same kind of stuff. Maybe as a result of getting older.
Lar was confused by, yet liked Nick.

Surgery (Socks XIII)

Snip.
Rar felt pain. Pain in his toe. He screamed. He couldn't sense his brother. Where was Lar?
"LAR! LAR!"
"I'm right here," Lar calmed his twin.
"What happened?"
"We've been separated."
"Why?"
"I don't know."
"I want to be with you, Lar."
"I think we'll stay together."
"That hurt like hell."
Lar had felt no pain. Not physical pain.
"Mom, look at this. I cut a hole in this one. Shit."
"That can be fixed."
"He's gonna be so pissed. Shit."
"I'll take it home and do it."
"Shit."
"I have grey thread, he'll never know."
"Thanks Mom. Shit."

Vocabulary lesson (Socks XII)

"Ding-dong"
"Anybody home?"
"Come in Mom."
The twins remained on the counter as Pretty Shanks and Mom sat at the table sipping from steaming cups, talking.
Pretty cried and Mom hugged her.
The vocabulary of the Gylegreys grew. That day they learned the words counselor, affair, lawyer, and asshole.
"Why are these socks on the counter?"
"I need to cut a thread holding the toes together."
"Let me help."
Mom held Lar. Rar was blissfully held by Pretty Shanks. Ignorant of the coming events, they could feel the tug at their toes.
They didn't until then, know the word scissors.

An Argument (Socks XI)

The Gylegreys spent the night on the arm of the couch and the next day, were carried back to the well lit room. They recognized some of the browns and blacks, but none of the unvoiced greys remained. They were carried back to the couch.
“Why the hell didn’t you return those today?”
“That color is discontinued.”
“Everything’s a chore for you, isn’t it?”
“I’ll fix it.”
"Ok Suzie Homemaker, I'm going to Phil's for a beer."
The twins were placed on the counter. Gentle hands pulled them apart so that the single string conjoining their toes became slightly taut.

Fascination (Socks X)

"These are good socks, I'll exchange them tomorrow."
"Get the same color. Think you can get that right?"
Footsteps left the room, a door slammed, a car started.
The soft hands hung the twins on the arm of the couch. Lar on one side, Rar on the other while the nice lady read a book. When she curled her feet up on the couch Rar got a good look at her ankles. He named her Pretty Shanks.
While reading Pretty Shanks fell asleep, giving Rar ample time to admire her ankles, toes, heels, soles, and arches. Rar was in love.

The Insult (Socks IX)

On a warm, sunny day the rough hands shredded the paper band surrounding the brothers. The single string between their toes prevented him from completely separating them.
Holding Lar by the heel, Rar dangling, swinging in a circle, the man said, "What the hell kind of shoddy crap do you buy?"
The brothers flew across the room and landed on the nice ladies lap.
"If you're gonna buy second rate shit like that, don't bother." The deep voice spat.
Rar was pissed. The man evidently didn't know top quality. Lar ignored the man. The man evidently didn't know top quality.

Christmas (Socks VIII)

The delicate hands covered the twins in festive colored paper then put them in a soft enclosure. They felt a kinship to the enclosure. Like being safe in mother's arms.
Surrounded by the smells of mints, chocolate, and pine, music played almost constantly. Lar liked the joyful music, but Rar had heard enough the first week.
The day came when a pair of rough hands released the twins from their colored paper tomb and tossed them atop a green sweater. A pair of boxers soon covered them.
After an hour the soft hands placed the twins in the top drawer.

Genesis and Exodus (Socks VII)

Abruptly, Lar and Rar became conscious, a prickly, binding sensation in their toes. In a pile of others of their kind, they talked. The others did not.
Youthful, yet calloused hands picked up Lar and one of the voiceless, but a string conjoined the twins at their toes. The mute was dropped back on the pile. Folded together, a paper band cinched the twins.
The twins experienced cardboard boxes, saltwater smells, road noises, and finally a well lit room. They were handled, compared, to browns, blacks, or whites. But always rejected, until...
Really soft hands touched, caressed, and chose them.

Three Sixty Degrees (Socks VI)

After months of dinners and pig noises with Ms. Stubbly Lar and Rar Gylegrey could hear arguments. Grunter, as Rar called him, threatened to leave. This worried the brothers, they would not see Pretty Shanks anymore. Then an errant toss separated the twins. Lar got back to the drawer, but not Rar.
One day there was yelling outside the drawer. The drawer flew open and the socks and underwear were removed and put in a cardboard box. All except Lar, he was thrown back in. Grunter said "Where's my other grey argyle?"
Lar was in the empty drawer alone, crying.

Settling The Score (Socks v)

There were many other dinners with Ms Stubbly. Most times the Gylegrey brothers rested on the floor while the fornicators made their stupid noises.
Once Lar got to stay on the living room floor, but Rar had to rub against those chubby ankles. Man did her feet stink.
That was all Rar could take, he intended revenge.
The next time Pretty Shanks cleaned them and put them in the drawer Rar flew into action. He grabbed a loose sliver from the drawer and shoved it down his middle.
The splinter stuck in the arch of the butthead's right foot.
Justice.

Interloper (Socks IV)

Rar was surly. He preferred to warm the right foot, the left had a creepy bunion, but that wasn't the problem. The problem was the other ankles under the table.
Had they stayed under the table, he would have been only slightly irritated. The man had forced the Gylegreys to rub around under the covers with those thick, unshaven ankles. He should have had the decency to put them on the floor while he grunted and snorted with Ms Stubbly. Rar muttered, "Why won't he let us rub around with Mrs. Pretty Shanks?" They both liked the noises Pretty made.

A Casting Change (socks III)

Lar and Rar went everywhere together, board meetings, parties, even the gym. They stayed in the locker while the Tube brothers took over. They really liked going to dinner. They both liked the nice smooth ankles on the other side of the table, but Rar was infatuated. He called her Mrs. Pretty Shanks. Rar got most excited when he got tossed in the hamper. He knew that soon she would wash, dry, fold, and put him in the drawer. One day at dinner Rar was quiet and moody. The other ankles under the table weren't as smooth, not as pretty.

Rar gets lost (socks II)

Lar Gylegrey missed his twin bother. They worked together, keeping the feet warm, stopping the shoes from causing a blister, or soaking up sweat. A month ago they went flying across the room. Lar went into the basket, Rar fell behind the dresser. That lazy son-of-a-bitch saw it and didn’t rescue Rar. Now he say’s that the nice lady lost him. He’s just trying to pick a fight.
When she pulled Lar from the hamper he tried to tell her that Rar was missing, but he got folded up in a pair of pants and she couldn’t hear him.

Life With the Dust Bunnies

2-25-07
I heard you yelling at her, you said "where's my other grey argyle?" Then you called her names and made her cry. You thought that she lost me in the laundry, didn't you? I'm here behind the dresser, dumb ass. You missed the basket. That was a month ago, remember?
Now, I don't mind keeping your feet warm, that's my job, but you leave her alone. I like her. You're probably just jealous because your wife puts her...warm... soft...smooth...hands on me as she takes me from the washer to the dryer.

begin

The Idea for this blog came from a flash fiction workshop facilitated by Jeff VandeZande and Josh Maday. Josh and Matt Bell each posted a one hundred words every day for at least one year. I intend to post every day for a year. I won't hold myself to one hundred words if the story needs a few more. I may post fiction, a tale from my past, an account of a dream, or maybe a poem. I might put an idea out and ask that someone flesh it out. I won't mind if you tell me that I suck, just tell me why.